'What if Buddha was my perfect mate, you guys took that chance from me'So, we are treated to a replay of Buddha's return, but, though
'New York' has seemingly ignored the
'I Love New York' producers; the legal staff are a different kettle of fish.
The guys are asked to legally sanction
'Buddha's' return to the house by way of affixing their signature to a document that, and I am guessing here, absolves VH1 and 51Minds of any liability and responsibility for
'Buddha's' actions.
In order,
'Wolf, The Entertainer, Punk, Pretty' and
'Mr. Wise' sign with nary a concern, but then again, it's not their voice-box inventing sounds
(yellllpppp) or their faces being left-hooked.
'Tailor Made' is not that blase about the idea, but signs anyway because his feelings for
'New York' are so strong...
"I'm doing this for you and only you", he says.
And with that,
'Buddha' is back, officially.
'New York' is pleased, particularly with
'Tailor Made', as she knows he doesn't want to be
"yoked" again.
Sister Patterson is the voice of reason, noting
'Buddha' has a dark side she hopes he can control. She also says he is a
"beautiful person", but that's bull.
(there ain't a damn thing beautiful 'bout Buddha)The first morning back in the mansion and
'Buddha' is busy doing reps in the company of
'Tailor Made' who's struggling with his weights. When I read Shauntay's and Baby's comments about this guy I see where they're going
(he is short, old, divorced, has a child, balding, meager, can't defend himself and spits on people. No wonder they think he's sexy)It's challenge time, though, so we are spared another 'Buddha-confessional'.
This Episode's Challenge is culinary and the guys are asked to prepare a dish for
'New York', once again it's that dumb ass
'Buddha' who read the note.
(why is he always reading the damn challenges, uh?)'The Entertainer' opts for
'chicken cacciatore' and phones his mom for tips. That I don't get; why choose a dish you can't cook? If you need help you probably shouldn't be cooking it, is what I'm thinking.
'Tailor Made' says his idea of cooking, is ordering, so his best bet is a salad. '
Wolf' puts his faith
(fate, too) in
'chicken fajitas', then acts as if the dish was divinely inspired.
They can't cook in the mansion though, so the guys and their ideas are taken to a proper kitchen where they are introduced to their Master Chef,
'Mr. Boston' (I Love New York 1).'Boston' introduces the guys to the
"super-secret ingredient" -ranch dressing- and informs them they have 30 minutes cooking-time with one other stipulation; each dish must utilise one cup of the dressing. The prizes are two solo-dates.
With
'Boston' always reminding them to add more ranch, the guys complete their dishes and present them for judging.
'The Entertainer', who really overdoes the Italian shit, prepared
Penne alla Vodka which
'New York' enjoyed.
'Wolf' impressed with his
'fajitas', but
'Pretty' flopped with his
'ranch-dressing cheese-cake'.I mean, really, why would a non-chef male even know how to make cheese-cake? That's woman-food!
I will never, ever, ever, ever be caught eating cheese-cake. Men don't eat cheese-cake! Just like men don't eat-strawberry ice-cream, etc., etc. There are just some foods a man should not eat. If
'Pretty' isn't gay, he should be; because he needs an excuse. And by the way, to make the thing even more confusing, his predilection for ties is classic
'fag-hag' attire.
(don't ask how I know that shit). So my guess is '
Pretty' isn't gay but he likes to be around gay men.....
(ahhh fuck it, he's gay)'Mr. Wise' is next, with hot-dogs and fries which
'Sister Patterson' describes as
"so white-trash". Forgive me for laughing, but that was funny.
I have to ask...why is he on the show? He is just useless! At least
'Whiteboy' would piss me off, this bugger just hangs around doing nothing. And yeah, his hairline pisses me off, too; and I know I ain't the only one bothered by that...
Anyways, let's ffwd.
'Punk's' 'Bleu cheese burger' was disgusting;
'Tailor Made's' 'salmon and caviar salad' was even worse; but
'Buddha' impressed with his
'El pollo de New York' (makes you wonder how they prepared all that in 30 mins)In the end,
'New York' chose
'Wolf's' fajitas as the dish to-die-for, earning him a solo-date; whilst
'Sister Patterson' (who looks hungry for Buddha) chose...whom else?
Buddha!The DatesBuddha'sThe night's solo date was '
Buddha's' and after sharing a kiss with
'New York' they sat for dinner and engaged in one of New York's classic make-a-man-feel-good conversations.
"When you were gone I felt like I was missing something and it was you", she confessed.
(stating the obvious? Or being romantic? Your call)."I can't say anything bad about you. You're gorgeous, you're hot. You make me feel so, like, hot and passionate and fiery" (Oh geesh; Buddha ain't none o' that shit)She goes on to lie to say,
'Buddha' in bed
"would be the ultimate challenge" and of course she queried his size
(it's what she does) to which he assured, he is
"fully equipped" (I feel sick typing that; like seriously)"I have trust issues", New York admitted.
"Your recognizing that is incredibly big of you; but you can't really love someone unless you trust them", Buddha replied.
(boy shut the fuck up; always with the corny-ass shit)They kiss; a kiss which inspires
'New York' to say '
Buddha' is a way better kisser than
'Tailor Made' and she goes further to state,
'Buddha' tastes like chocolate, but not just any chocolate; Valentine's chocolates. To make viewing even more sickening, she takes
'Buddha' to the mirror to see how cute they look as a couple. And there endeth the date.
A normal person would have gone to bed, but this is
'New York', and soon enough she was jumping into
'Punk's' arms for another round of kissing.
(her thighs looked really damn good in that scene)Wolf'sNone too pleased by Buddha's solo-date the night before,
'Tailor Made' orders a
La Perla negligee which set him back $855.36
(scratches head: da hell?).It's
Wolf's date though, and he and
'New York' leave for the set of
Nip/Tuck where the reality television goddess will shoot a scene, specially written for her by executive producer Ryan Murphy
(I'm sure he asked someone to write it, but who gives a fug?)Murphy is a huge fan of
'New York' and her show, and presents her with a bottle of
Dom Pérignon champagne before engaging
'Wolf' in a rather uncomfortable line of questioning. Prophetically, he wrote-off the chances of
'Wolf' being chosen, describing him as
"a well-mannered gentle guy" (uh-hmmmn) and added
"I think she should marry me and leave the reality-show business" (uh-hmmmmn)They are then left on their own to rehearse New York's lines, but fell asleep, until their rest was interrupted by a Richter-scale fart from
'Wolf'. Dude's body literally shook and poor
'New York' was not more than 18 inches away from the smelly explosion. Wolf's excuse was, it couldn't be helped and blamed the tuna and mozzarella which he likened to a
'cat's tongue' (Uhh? Unless I heard him wrong?)'New York' successfully completed her scenes with
Nip/Tuck stars Leslie Grossman and Julian McMahon, and that was the end of that.
"She came, she saw, she acted, she smoked", was Murphy's take on New York's acting debut.
EliminationsBack home, a worried
'Punk' makes the desperate move to confess to
'New York' he
"feels like he's really falling in love with her, like 100%", but cone-head
Buddha interrupts. It's desperation time, because eliminations are near, and even '
Pretty' gets into the act, kissing
'New York' and taking her upstairs, which prompts another memorable
'New York' quote,
"bitch you are so smart for putting panties on" (hahaha)In a private encounter,
'Tailor Made' takes the opportunity to present his gift,
'New York' is hopeful it's a
"pack of Indian Remy hair" (lmao) but is pleased by the $800
La Perla nightie...
"I am going to let him have me in this"At the ceremony,
'New York' presides in the very
'nightie' she received just a few minutes ago. Black people always do that, I swear; we never let a gift have a moment's breath.
She warns the guys they aren't
"aggressive enough for her" and she
"wants a man who'll come seek her out".The names she calls, she informs, will be those guys whom she considers as making the most effort to be with her...
'Tailor Made' is first, then
'Buddha', 'Punk', 'The Entertainer' and
'Pretty'.
One chain is left.
'Wolf' says,
"if I get eliminated tonight I'll be appalled", which sounds funny coming from him; whilst Mr. Wise says he is
"never 100%" at elimination time
(I wonder why?)However, for some weird reason,
'New York' chooses
'Mr. Wise' because
"you made an impact on me" (How, when, where?)'Wolf' is told he is a
"a really nice, sweet, country bumpkin who wouldn't fit in" with her lifestyle.
And that's that, six guys remain in the mansion.
Next week sees the return of
'Chance' and
'Real' so look forward to that....
Thank you for reading the recap.
Cheers.