VH1 Charm School Episode 1 recap

These recaps are like giving birth so with back-to-back series on Sunday (I love New York & Charm School) I sure as hell was not going to deliver twins.
So, that means the Charm School recap is two days late, sort of. Being late isn't so bad (unless it's your girlfriend) because it means we can use the pictures off of the VH1 blog.
So let's get to it, shall we...
A bright, yellow Charm School bus stops at the entrance to the mansion (also known as Charm School) and empties it's content which happens to be 13 ladies, formerly of Flavor of Love 1 and 2.
They are greeted by the host and Principal, comedian, actress and author, Mo'Nique; who tells us that these young ladies have been brought to the institution to "learn how to become refined women."
They will be taught "how to make a great first impression; proper etiquette, style and last but not least, how to have healthy relationships."

Just looking at the ladies assemble, I could tell Bootz and Buckeey had the first of the four covered. Bootz looked freaking fantastic in a brown Logan's Run top with black shorts that made her hips seem to never end. Buckeey must have scared her jeans, because they were grabbing on to her ass and hips for dear life.

After orientation which included the announcement of a winners' prize of $50000; the girls were invited in to unpack and secure their beds.
Buckeey, Bootz and Saaphyri commissioned one room, stocked with three beds; only to discover pictures above the beds that were not theirs.
Bootz and Buckeey remained room-mates having moved to another bedroom but the third person sharing was Pumkin. A disappointment to them both and especially, Bootz.

Already upset by her belief that Pumkin is a racist for having spat on New York in Flavor of Love 1; Bootz, AND Buckeey were incensed by a blog Pumkin wrote that seem to suggest the girls were jealous of Krazy.

Well, everyone knows any mention of a blog in these series must have something to do with us as it did when Spunkeey and Bootz had their confrontation during a magazine shoot for Flavor of Love 2.
This time it stems from a conversation I had with Pumkin and a blog posted on her MySpace.

Confronted by Bootz, Pumkin broke down in tears because "they put me with the two girl that hate me."

As an aside, for newer readers of The Blogspot; that issue of the black girls being jealous of Krazy became an even larger issue when I wrote a piece on an article by Jameya Porter of the Independent Student Newspaper at North Carolina A&T State University. If you have the time, read through the comments because Bootz and Nibblz got into it with some of the University Students who came to defend their fellow student.

But let's return to the recap....
The ladies were summoned downstairs and introduced to their judges who will assist Mo'Nique during the expel ceremony. They are, Mikki Taylor, Beauty Director and Cover Editor for Essence Magazine; and Keith Lewis, the Director of Ms. California and Ms. California Teen USA and the owner of Morgan Town Agency.
Keith, kind soul that he is says, "I've watched your tapes and there isn't anyone here who'd get within 50ft of my office; but good-luck."
(lmao, I thought only guys with English accents were that cold)

The familiar 'naming ceremony' ensues, except Mo'Nique chooses to discard their Flavor of Love names. Rain is tearful and pleased to be known as Thela; Goldie is a little sad to lose the name Flavor Flav gave her, and Krazy wants to use Nevaeh but is persuaded to stick to her 'Government name', Heather.

Hottie fished an apple from her bosom and presented it to Mo'Nique. And Saaphyri faced the dilemma of dumping her real name because she never made it to the 'naming ceremony' on Flavor of Love 2.

First Impressions
The ceremony to reclaim their names concluded, the ladies were shepherded for one-on-one talks with the judges and we learn the first of Ten Commandments that govern Charm School

'Check thyself before thou wreck thyself'

The meetings with the judges proved to be entertaining and especially Keith...
On Becky (Buckwild): "I have pretty much said you were the fakest (sic) of the group. Am I being too confrontational with you...?"

On Hottie (Schatar): "What is the hair? Is it a wig? Is it a weave? Is it a....what is it?"
(it is hair who must not be named)

On Pumkin (Brooke): "Brooke, I am wondering what your Barbie Doll is wearing since you borrowed her clothes"
(Oh hell naw, lmfao)


All the girls have their individual meetings and most of them break down in tears, including Serious who says, "I don't even know if I like me"
(you must be out of your goddamn mind)
And that was the end of the first day of Charm School.

Day 2 of Charm School
At breakfast the next morning the ladies discovered the menu included velour track-suits and sneakers, to the disappointment of Saaphyri who thought they should have had Nike's, and not "generic."
There was a note pinned to the noticeboard which Like Dat (Darra) read, "Good morning ladies. Today we'll work on your insides by going outside of the house, so babies pack everything you'll need for an overnight field trip"
It was off to the Charm School Bus again...

The bus ride took the Charm School ladies to the Angeles National Forest - Los Alamos Campground; where they met Mo'Nique and a pile of necessary items for camping including, food, water, blankets, tents, etc. The only catch was they'd have to tote those items, on foot, to the campsite two miles away.
This just totally pissed off Thela who must have thought she had to do nothing extraordinary to win the $50000. She was angry, "I do not do the woods!"
(you must be gay if you don't do wood)

Thela said she'd recently suffered a torn Achilles heel and it would be impossible for her to successfully undertake the two mile trek. Mo'Nique didn't give a damn, and neither did I; because you either do it, or get the fuck back to normal life.
Thela chose the former and Mo'Nique sent them on their way with the second Commandment...

'Thou shalt goeth girl'

After much laboring and toil they all make it to the campsite and set-up camp. But cooking a meal proved difficult because Thela could not locate a can-opener. This was enough to send her stark-raving mad because, "no one is listening to me...and I can't yell and I can't do anything that's me." She later collapsed into tears -in Leilene's arms.
(I talk to this girl on Messenger a lot so I'll pretend I'm not thinking she's behaving like a complete asshole)

Later on, in the middle of the evening actually, Mikki Taylor shows up to advise them they need to select two Captains, and all agree on Leilene (Smiley) and Saaphyri before they retire for the night.

Early next morning the girls are awakened by the banging of a pot-cover by 1st Sgt. Jones, a drill instructor, and for the third time in their short life at Charm School they're on the bus again.
This time they face an obstacle course and the Captains are asked to select teams; but Leilene (Smiley) mucks around -ignoring Keith Lewis' advice to select the best team- and chooses Thela and Like Dat.
Not only is Darra, fat; but she was hung-over, having thrown down vodka the night before.
Needless to say, or write; they lost. Primarily because Darra found herself hung over a rope-knot fence. It did expose her thong though, which is always nice to see.
(Although you'd think she'd need more support; but whatever)

The winning team earned exemption at the Elimination ceremony; but one of Leilene, Thela, Heather, Brooke, Darra and Cristal, would be sent home

Back at the mansion, the ladies are told they would be wearing uniforms and most object; but not Cristal who wore hers like lingerie and moved provocatively on the kitchen counter.

Whilst the girls were preparing for the night's Elimination Ceremony, Thela, secretly, visited Mo'Nique for a chat. She knew she'd messed up having shouted at Mo'Nique and this was her opportunity to rehabilitate her reputation.
Whether she did or not, I'll let the picture below answer the question.



Elimination Ceremony
At the gathering, the girls faced the three judges, and the pool of candidates to go home was reduced to three; Leilene, Darra and Thela.
Speaking to Leilene, Keith said, "Leilene, today, I think you exhibited that you really have no spine. The instructions were, pick a team that could win, not based on friendship. I think you are comfortable being a loser. I think you jeopardized your entire team"
(Ouch!)

Mikki and Keith both agreed Darra was the weakest link, then turned their attention to Thela.
Asked about her on-again/off-again heel injury, Thela said she prayed to God to take the pain away because "I don't want to let my team down."
But Keith wasn't buying it, "you shoulda prayed to God about them winning, it might have helped with that"
(lmwbhao)

Mo'Nique wasn't buying it either and expelled Thela; but not before saying "your anger is dangerous. So I wish you the best and I hope that in your praying to God; pray for some therapy sista"

Expelled from the house, Thela gets emotional and dares to say, "I may leave and be Oprah, I may leave and be that inspirational speaker that saves lives"
(I blame it on the bread)

So that's that. If you thought the recap was dull, don't blame me, blame the premiere of Charm School. Hopefully the later episodes provide more excitement.
Laterz.

Pictures courtesy: VH1 blog