I Love New york Episode 4 recap

You have to understand this; people don't appreciate your disrespecting their mother. If you told Bobbi Christina her mother was on crack she'd punch you in the mouth. And we know damn well Whitney was on that ish

Disrespecting someone's mother is a no-no; but that doesn't mean snitching among men is a yes-yes...but let's see how Episode 4 played out

The episode began very early in the morning ...
(in the show, fool. It aired at 9 Eastern as always)

Unlike last week, Chamo reverted to type and wore an outrageous outfit to present this week's challenge. Today he opted for a white wife-beater and a Sunbird-yellow hard-hat.
(hold on for a second...I have to see Selena climb that pole on White Rapper)

Yeah, so Chamo did old-school gay couture tonight, and went way back to the days of the Village People to construct that ensemble. He looked good though; but enough of that...

The guys were separated into three teams with a set task to erect a kennel for New York's dog, Majesty. The teams were separated by color (why? I don't know) and immediately White Boy began bitching because Tango was in his unit.
"I don't hang with Tango; Tango, he just whack"
(whack? Did a grown man just say Tango was whack?)

For the record the teams were :
Grey Team - Tango, Onix and White Boy
Black Team - Rico, Chance and Mr. Boston
White Team -12 Pack, Real and Heat

So the guys set about the task and 12 Pack is spitting the lines. Letting us know that this isn't his normal style but he's "still one hell of a sexy foreman".
Heat described his foreman and himself as 'Batman and Robin' but 12 Pack thought that an overestimation, and of Heat, he said "he is my mini-me. I got all the good genes; he got stuck with the rest".

The Black team were not clicking and it didn't help that Mr. Boston was making no contribution at all.
The White Team seemed to know what they were doing although 12 Pack was bragging so much it was difficult to believe they would do anything but fail.

So the cameras switch to White Boy using a jig-saw an suddenly Tango steps away
(I'm thinking White Boy cut the dude and is about to receive that overdue ass whupping)

White Boy thought he was hurt too but it turns out Tango had a splinter in his hand
(Oh hell naw!)
(Maybe it was a Splintersauras Rex or something)
Of course White Boy had to talk about it because you know that playette is on Tango, hard.
White Boy said Tango "...is just a fake busta. Straight up"
(Dude has a point. Orthopaedic surgery for a splinter isn't a good look)

Anyways, Tango was de-splintered and soon Chamo was running out of the house to let the "muchachos" know "a hora de parar" (time to stop in broken Spanish)

New York and majesty (the dog) reappeared to choose the winner and rejected the Black Team's offering. They were pleased with the Grey Team's effort (who modeled it's kennel on the Parthenon temple) but adjudged the White Team's dog-house as the winner.
(I thought otherwise, and I should know; because I have been 'in the doghouse' many times before)

The winners shared an evening dinner with New York. But separately.
Real had cocktails with New York on the verandah and I won't lie; Real looked proper. New York couldn't stop herself from playing with his hair and they looked like a genuine couple together.

As do Chance and White Boy; as the scene shifted to the kitchen to show the fake thug cutting White Boy's hair. (I think that was existentialism or something; the way they moved from Real's curtain of hair to White Boy's trim.)
So we return to New York and Real kissing, but the time was up for cocktails.
Next up was dinner with Heat.

Heat is just a f*cking bore. I can't say it any better than that.
Heat came to dinner with a crucifix choker on his neck, wtf?
Now I am no Andre Leon Talley; but I know the differences between style, fashion and foolishness. And a man with a choker crucifix isn't stylish or fashionable.
(At this point I am thinking this is the worst Episode yet)

He and New York engaged in some unnecessary repartee before the scene shifted to the guys surrounding Mr Boston to shave him. They were unsuccessful as far as I could tell and Tango just sat there, watching them, acting all mature and shit.
Chance later explained the reason for the Mr. Boston attack, tracing it back to the challenge and in his best Tony Montana accent (which is the worst Tony Montana accent I've ever heard) he says "you made us lose you die!"

(can this Episode get any worse?)

Thankfully the date with Heat ended and it was dessert time with New York and 12 Pack. They went upstairs to New York's bedroom because 12 Pack said they "were feeling it hardcore."
I was shocked New York chose 12 Pack for the bedroom encounter but I was even more shocked to see a woman waiting there for them.
(An inter-racial threesome? That's my shit right there.)

Wasn't to be though, the lady (Taia Aaliyah) was a Tantra teacher brought there, as 12 Pack said, to teach them "moves he pretty much knew already."
They both changed. New York wore a white bikini (that's more like it) and 12 Pack, a leopard print Speedo. He was quick to point out that there was a "no better guy than himself to wear a leopard Speedo"

Taia had them connecting physically and mentally but New York was concerned she wanted "to take 12 Pack and herself; sexually" and got rid of her rather quickly.
That meant 12 Pack and New York were finally alone but as it is with every horny man, 12 Pack needed a bathroom break...
(it happens to me all the time; urine build-up and horniness have this weird symbiotic existence)

12 Pack used the break (after washing his hands I trust) to grab a few drinks and moreso, to show-off his Speedo to the other contestants. They were not all that surprised (it's 12 Pack after all) but Real and Heat were upset by the length of time New York was devoting to 12 Pack
Upstairs 12 Pack lay prostrate over New York and rubbing on her hard, much to her delight and my dismay.
The dude was in Heat (which isn't as weird as it sounds as you will soon find out).

Downstairs and outside, Real and Heat could restrain themselves no longer and needed a better view. Thanks to a ladder (that just happened to be there) Real climbed to the second-floor balcony and said he "felt like King Kong coming to save his woman"
(somewhere in Mississippi a white man enjoyed that; I didn't)

Having done the hard work Real messed up and was spotted by New York (as she came up for breath under 12 Pack's body)
They both walked outside and found Real under the table; but it all blew over thanks to Heat who told her they were upset by the amount of time given to 12 Pack.
(now I know what to say when my lover and her husband catches me peeping through their bedroom window)
The date ended soon after and 12 Pack and Heat resumed their drinking. It wasn't long before they were both drunk out of their minds as the clock showed 4:18 am (remember that time)
Thereafter, we saw12 Pack dancing a robot striptease in his Speedos and listening to an inebriated Heat's confession that "he (12 Pack) has the best body in the frickin' place".
Somewhere between 4 and 5 am Heat and 12 Pack retired to bed; but not for long.

Pt2