Rock of Love Finale recap Part 1

And now, the exciting conclusion of The Rock of Love...
Having announced the trip to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, the girls are packing and seemingly friendly, but within their minds the truth lie.
Jes says, Heather is in for a rude awakening, but Heather thinks 'I am more convinced than ever that I am right for Bret'.

Dressed in matching cowboy hats, Heather, Jes and Bret are chauffeured to a waiting GulfStream© Jet and are flown from California to Mexico (usually happens the other way around, lol)
After what seemed like 3 seconds but must have been 3 hours; the party of three arrived at their hotel in Cabo, San Lucas and were greeted by dancing women.

Confusingly, Heather pointed to a hot-looking brunette and said, "I am fucking this one", before engaging her in something that looked like dancing. More confusing was Bret's description, "I am not paying attention to her -the brunette- because I am paying attention to the girls I am with, but the girl I am with is paying attention to the girl I am not paying attention to" (imagine him doing the recap)
Looking on, Jes seems a tad deflated, but perhaps it was the collagen wearing off.

Bret had enough of Heather's behavior (a constant theme throughout the episode) and suggested she and Jes go to their room, where they met a note with instructions to meet him for dinner.

At dinner the girls stare-down each other; a miracle when you consider how awful Heather looked. An uncomfortable Bret decides it's time to make conversation interrogate the ladies and begins with Heather, and her obsession playful attitude with women.
She assures him she sees nothing wrong in complimenting women (yeah, but it's the begging them for kisses and saying 'I wanna fuck her' is what's worrying Bret).

Switching the conversation from women to women, Heather asks Bret if at 23 (Jes' age) he was ready for a family? Bret says no; obviously. (are men ever ready for a family?)
Jes alternatively suggests stripping at 31 is not mommy-material either; but Heather says now that she's met Bret she will no longer strip (for other men, Bret probably thought)

The intensity was such, that the ladies had not yet touched their meal, a remarkable feat for Heather, because you know that heffa is always hungry. Noting that, Bret called it an early night, but not before declaring each lady will have an entire day with him and thereafter he will choose a girlfriend.

Heather's Dates
At the pool of the not too populated hotel the girls receive a music-sheet, of sort, which reveals Heather has the first 'dayte' and we are privileged to hear Bret saying he has planned 'something amazing'
Turns out the first half of the 'dayte' was dune-buggy riding, and soon they were off riding dunes with their buggy (yawns)

All went well, until Bret realized, "the partying and the diabetes is really catching up with me" (are you sure it's not old age, mate?)
Sick as a rock-star with diabetes, he suggests they eat something, but Heather brushes him off and says, "I wanna drive it."

Poor Bret thus endures another round of dune-climbing as he nears ever so close to death (come on Bret). He is concerned by her lack of sensitivity and notes he felt like he "wanted to die and Heather seemed unaffected" (but, did he ever say to Heather, 'I'm dying here?')
Yet somehow, our courageous rock-star battled through his illness and made it to the beach where a picnic basket lay in waiting.
On the beach, Heather ate watermelon (white people eat watermelon!?) before she -dressed in a t-string bikini bottom- and Bret entered the warm water for a swim.

Back at the room, an upbeat Heather boasts, "Oh my God, the best day ever in the entire planet", as Jes stares disgustedly. Soon, Heather departs for dinner in a rather nice blue dress as Jes dries her nails with that hand-flapping thing women do.

At dinner, Heather asks, "what am I dealing with?"
She wants to know if she's ahead of Jes at this point; even, or perhaps behind her rival. Bret declines to answer but reminds her of his past relationship with an exotic dancer and the heart-break he suffered. (is this guy a serious rock-star?)

Here's the thing, Bret tries too darn hard to convince us he's a regular guy (as if regular guys bone Pamela Anderson). But even for Bret, it was past ridiculous when he asked Heather if she was prepared to leave behind, her exciting stripper life to live a regular life with him (Uh?)
At that point, a confused Heather had no choice but to use the most frightening train of words ever heard by mankind, "I am in love with you" (Oh Jesus)

For once, I could identify with Bret when he replied, "I, I can't even...it's like I don't have words" (exactly, I couldn't have not said it better myself)
But, Bret is a smart guy, he knows what the goal is, ultimately; so he spat some game to keep her hydrated, letting her know when he looked into her eyes his heart immediately bonded (niceeeeee, I'ma use that myself one day)

She kisses him on the neck, and Bret takes her to his suite with the "insane view" where they drink champagne and eat strawberries dipped in chocolate. We are left to assume they ate and drank each other as well...

Jes' Date
The morning after and a disheveled looking Heather greets Jes at the pool...
Heather: How was your night?
Jes: Good! Yours?
Heather: Awesome

Awesome though it might have been, Heather still sees the need to taunt Jes, asking "can you smell it, can you smell him on me?" (not even New York would say that)
Back at the room Jes' prepares for her day with Bret and endures Heather's jeers. She tells Jes, when you're kissing him remember where his mouth has been.
A flustered Jes finally leaves to meet Bret, and kisses him immediately (and Heather) before they leave for their date. Bret observes they are wearing matching bandannas (Fate?)

Bret's and Jes' date is an afternoon cruise on a yacht, and as Bret notes, 'if I can't land this girl with a 75ft yacht, I got nuthin'
On the yacht they make-out a lot but Jes looks average in a bejeweled black bikini.
As the yacht date comes to a close, a serious looking Jes confesses, "the scariest thing right now is there is still that chance of rejection".
They leave to meet later at dinner.

Read Pt 2