I Love New York 2 recap Episode 3: The Stolen Date

If you saw those Samsung B-phone ads tonight you have to admit no one fulls-out a skinny jeans as Beyonce Knowles. The woman is a walking multiple orgasm. As is New York, and it may have been the influence of the ads but her voice and Beyonce's were similar sounding tonight.
Anyways, recap time....

Last week 'I Love New York' ended with New York saying, "if you want me, come and get me," so it's surprising tonight's show begins with most of the guys playing cards. Not Tailor Made though; he's plotting his next move and counsels himself to do something, fast.

So what's the plan? Well there is no 'Golden AN' so he decides to pick on the Midget. (righttttt)
Tailor Made lets slip, intentionally, that The Entertainer has been talking smack about Midget Mac. And it's vicious smack too; something about a Chevy Impala and his having a small bladder.
Naturally, Midget Mac decides to run upstairs to confront The Entertainer.

After an hour-long stair climb, Mac gets into it with The Entertainer! Unimpressed by Mac's ravings, (and really, whom else but another midget is scared of a midget?) it all changes when it becomes known Tailor Made is the svengali behind it all.
An excited and enraged The Entertainer (that 'The' makes reading the sentence difficult doesn't it?) screams, 'I'll kill you' at Tailor Made but it fizzles into nothing and they disperse.

The next morning, Buddha, Punk, The Entertainer (hereinafter to be called Entertainer; because I hate the corniness of that name) and others, devise a plan to punk Tailor Made and It. The scheme involves a fake challenge that sets-up a test of attrition where the guy who stays on his feet -outside in the cold- the longest; will win a 'special breakfast' with New York.

To make it credible the guys bail out in staggered sequence until the final three are Cheezy, It and Tailor Made(seemed too much of a coincidence to me)... Very close to 6am, Cheezy called it quits and we were down to the Final Two.
The agony of 'defeet' was eased early in the day however, as New York arose and arrived to find It and Tailor Made on their last legs.
Seven hours they'd soldiered through, until New York answered their questions about last night's challenge with the bad news that they "got punked and played all at the same time"
"Everyone knows I am not a breakfast person", she added.

Tailor Made is none too pleased and in an even unhappier mood when he's summoned downstairs -after 45minutes of sleep- to receive the official challenge. Once again it's Buddha reading the message aloud; which describes New York's quest to build her bank account and empire. A presentation; which they have two hours to prepare forms the main course of the challenge.
(yeah the recap is boring; but trust me, the episode wasn't much better)

The guys are grouped into teams of three. Team 1 comprises Cheezy, It and Tailor Made and they waver between a blaxploitation flick and It's idea of Portable AIDS Tests (PAT). (it seemed dumb, but I kinda like the idea of a PAT smear)

Team 2; Buddha, Wolf and 20-Pack discussed a New York line of cars (cabs?) and a New York Book of Etiquette (that had to be sarcasm) before settling on New York-stickered iPods.

Midget Mac, Man-Man and The Entertainer immediately decide on an expensive cologne; whilst the 'Dream Team', Punk, Mr Wise and Pretty opt for a clothing line; but not before Punk boastfully states it's unfair to have them competing as a group.

The Presentations
Siri Garber, the celebrity publicist (Jeremy Piven, Paris Hilton) joined New York and sister Patterson to judge the presentations and first up was Buddha and his unit with their idea to market mp3 players, under the brand YNI (You 'N I) with Season 1&2 -of I Love New York- pre-loaded. They weren't very good, but as he presented, New York confessed, "my mind goes to the dirtiest place ever and basically I am just having sex with Buddha on the table" (is she saying she was masturbating?)

The Entertainer's trio was next and they added a twist, they were pitching QT perfume now (maybe it's the same thing as cologne) but it's unlikely their gimmick of perfume in a caped liquor bottle will ever catch on. (well, in Gotham it might) Their slogan was 'it smells so good it makes you wanna slap your momma.' (is that ghetto humor? Because I don't ghet it)
The 'Dream Team' lived up to expectations with a pitch of a clothing-line endorsed by New York and fashioned by up-and-coming designers. They proposed a 'Princess' collection and a 'NULUV' brand (kNowing yoU Look Unbelievably Voluptuous)
Hysterically, Sister Patterson was moved to say "voluptuous is a new word for fat" (actually, the new word for fat is 'Britney')

The final presentation was Tailor Made's crew and they pitched the idea of New York reviving the blaxploitation era with a movie titled 'Bad Ass Bitch' and a projected gross of $60million.

So that was that...after due deliberation the judges chose the team of Tailor Made, Cheezy and It. As the point-man, Tailor Made won the solo-date.

The Dates
At the mansion Cheezy is miffed at Tailor Made winning the solo-date, and suggests they both go to New York to tell her he, is the brains behind the successful presentation. A surprisingly unselfish Tailor Made advises Cheezy to go on his own and state his case.
Cheezy successfully convinces New York he was responsible for the marketing analysis, etc and she rescinds her decision.
As a cheered-up Cheezy departs, Tailor Made makes his way to New York's bedroom and says it was his strategic vision that fueled the successful presentation.

Not put-off by the turn of events, New York chooses Tailor Made and explains her decision, "I don't care I'm gonna pick the guy I want to fuck" (no 'eeny meeny miney mo'?)

Tailor Made's date with New York is a private dinner at an LA jewelry store, 'Barins', where she gifted him a medallion and he describes her as "...the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with"

The next morning Cheezy and It received notice, their date would offer 'a sneak peek of New York looking her hottest' and minutes later the party of three (including a surprisingly dapper-looking It) were off to 'Pink Kitty Studios' for glamor shots. (that's the last time I am spelling glamot without the 'u'; well the second to last time)
At the Studio, New York changed into a corset, bustier, and fishnet-stockings to be photographed with It. The disgusting pervert was all over her but New York was impressed that she was "...seeeing more of the man and less of an idiot" and was pleased "he appreciates my body in all its glory" (hahahahahaha)

Cheezy's date was less of a success. He stripped to his boxer shorts and even tried to kiss her in a desperate attempt to appear sexy. (only Whiteboy's vacuum kiss and tongue-rape could possibly be worse than this)
In the end, New York paddled his ass on the billiards table and left us with a classic New York quote; "I love the fact that I can beat this man down and he can take it; and enjoy it even."

Back home; New York is surprised to find Entertainer in her bathroom with a bubble-bath drawn and rose-petals strewn. Her first impulse is to throw him out, but this is New York, so she was in the bath in a flash, and allowed Entertainer to suck the French pedicure off her toes as she purred..."ooooh, Lord have Mercy"
And added further, "any doubts I had about The Entertainer melted away when he put my entire foot in his mouth"

Pleased with himself, The Entertainer exits New York's bedroom , only to be discomforted by Tailor Made's heading in the opposite direction . Alone together, Tailor Made tells New York, The Entertainer is violent and a loose cannon and "he doesn't feel comfortable with her being with The Entertainer when he is not there" (da hell? this guy is worse than Tango)

The Elimination Ceremony
At the ceremony, New York advises all the contestants that, "if you want to stay here, you better come to me and show me that."
The first name called is Tailor Made, which upsets Buddha and sparks The Entertainer to declare, 'if he wants to see a crazy violent person, I will show him; and I will fuck him up'
Then, in order, chains were given to It, Punk, Buddha, Midget Mac, Pretty, 20-Pack, Wolf and Mr. Wise.
One chain remained, therefore, and three contestants.

The Final Three
Man- Man clearly had no chance, Cheezy had no sexy to preserve and New York hinted her mother's 'third-eye' was trained on Entertainer, but he "sucks a mean toe" so The Entertainer received the final chain.
The Entertainer was relieved; Sister Patterson was not. All three eyes glared at The Entertainer as she went off on one of her classic rants, "you are a pervert, a filthy pervert". And she went on and on, "you're nasty, you are bottom of the barrel nasty"
But, you have to ask yourself if not The Entertainer, whom would she have chosen?


That's that then; next week a new contestant, Mr. Wise, is introduced, so we'll see what happens when he gets spat on by Tailor Made. Maybe we'll learn once and for all whether those Florida whiteboys are just talk and tongue.
Cheers; thanks for reading.