Love Poison?

Please no throwing of fruit, I have no purpose without this blog. So my old ugly @ss had to come back. The 'Flavor of Love', 'Charm School', 'Rock of Love', 'I Love New York 2' Blogspot is my vice in life. (That long @ss title is giving my fingers a work out.)

The other day I watched in... in... I can't find the right adjective to describe the emotion. Anyhow I watched in ........ the 'Rock of Love' casting clips. People said the 'Flavor of Love' women gave 'black women' a bad name. HA!!! Well NEWS FLASH 'Rock of Love' is evening out the playing field. The crackoonery (think coonery for white folks) is about to begin. And I can't wait. (My best ideas are channeled through Bubo the Hater.)

I need to write something about the 'Charm School' finale. Leilene is like nails on a chalkboard in my opinion. She screams beautiful woman who uses her beauty and stripper game throughout life. The remote control almost flew through my husband's over sized HDTV. (However, I didn't think toothless would be a good look for me.) I am overjoyed that Saaphyri won. Saaphyri, I'd still love that dinner. $50,000 is some nice change but I will bring the groceries. Let me know what you need to throw down. Monique looked good but I am still not feeling her on her Brooke assassination. After the 'Charm School' finale we got a sneak peek at the women of 'Rock of Love' and their crackoonery. (That word is going to be the end of me.)

Back on subject 'Rock of Love' casting videos, I was a little bored in the beginning of Casting Episode 1. First we see a sexable blond with great pearly whites *wonders if sperm whitens one's teeth in a red tank. Blond Babe #1 states that she hopes it's Bret Michaels of Poison. We learn she's been 'in love' with him since the age of 15. In her 'excited' state we learn her feathered mane doesn't move. We get a glimpse of Mr. Michaels (maybe in the Rockfessional) stating, "I don't know what to say." ( I do but I already pushed it with the sperm comment a few seconds earlier.) Next we see a mature cougar in a cowboy hat and black dress. She is happily talking about multiple orgasms and vibrators. (I'd be happy too.) Next is Blond Babe #2 with dark brown roots. She looks very electrified. We hear her tale of putting an elderly lady in her place about concerning herself with Blond Babe #2's choice of hairstyle. Jess (her name) isn't into old wrinkly balls. Back to the Rockfessional and Mr. Michaels asks, "I wonder what Flav would do right now?" Next a cute brunette states she doesn't do casual sex. And she's been with 14 men and has had relationships with all of them. She shares a tale of denying a dinner date sex and getting stuck with the tab. Blond Babe #3 makes a statement that if you don't have sex in awhile you are a virgin again. (How long is awhile?) Blond Babe #4 is wearing a green turtleneck. We learn she has a medium sized pot belly pig and a PEZ collection. Blond Babe #5 is an attractive Playmate type. Very sweet demeanor, she reminds me of Pamela Anderson for some reason. Anyhow she shares a photo shoot/ tampon incident.

Moving along to Casting Episode 2, we see another brunette. She is clueless to who Bret Michaels is and requests to see the picture again. Blond Babe #6 is looking mighty Las Vegas to me. She talks of how her boobs or the flashing of them works miracles on getting her into places. (How hard is it to get into a back seat of a car?) We see another brunette with A LOT of piercings. We get a glimpse of Blond Babe #7 and then #8. Next we get another brunette who received a rifle as a birthday gift from her daddy. Did she say they go kill hogs in the middle of the night? Mr. Michaels in the Rockfessional states, "I don't know what to say." Questionable Blond Babe #9 is a fat guy magnet. (She said it. I didn't.) We see a dark haired female talking about going bra less. OMG, I see a black woman. (Think 'Sixth Sense') She is a self proclaim kindergartner in the bedroom. I can tell you now she ain't making it on the show. Mr. Michaels says, "Fornicating and communicating that's what it's all about." We see a chick with a pompadour and then an Asian cutie. I thought after that Asian dude won 'Survivor' we see more Asian people own television. And black people complain about not having enough roles. Man, I can count own my fingers how many Asian actors or reality stars I've seen. (Russell Wong from 'New Jack City', can definitely get it with his sexxxaaay self.)

Casting Episode 3, I hear a voice that is so familiar to me. *wonders if it's G. from 51 Minds Anyhow Blond Babe #10 appears and is shown a picture of Bret Michaels. She doesn't seem impressed. We see a brunette. Is that a wig she is wearing? We are crossing major territory with a second brunette in a row. She is wearing glasses and talking of spanking. (Did she date Legend?) A third dark haired beauty, there is a God! She shares her Spanish skills with the production staff. Blond Babe #11 tells us of her Breast Enhancement Diaries. We see another brunette in the casting hopefuls for 'Rock of Love'. She removes her shirt....... There is more to Casting Episode 3 but I think you all get it.

Casting Episode 4 starts. We see some more Blond Babes, another brunette and red head, I think. It is all so unimportant because we come to the person I truly want to write about. She is a tattooed woman. She.... (I need Electra to splash holy water on me.) *takes a deep breath She talks of her midget fetish. Her words not mine, and how she wants to f**k one. She shares that she hasn't been into a lot of the weird things (assuming sexually) she's been asked to do. When you hear a voice say,"Mommy, I don't feel good." And the words 'HER KID' appears on the screen. A staff member says to the kid, "We are almost done." And then you listen to him explain how he has to work when he doesn't feel good. The mother tells the child that he/she needs to stop. The kid repeats that he/she doesn't feel good. And the mother says, "It doesn't matter." And then attempts to bribe the child with ice cream afterwards if he/she is quiet. We see Blond Babe #101 or something. (I lost count.) She has a chihuahua on her lap. Casting Episode 4 continues and VH-1 is kind enough to share Episode 5 too. I can't get over the mother and her kid. I need to go lay down and rest my nerves.

If you don't believe me, visit www.vh1.com and see it with your own eyes. Oh and that mother gave me the bubble guts. I know Mr. Michaels is looking for love. However, one of these broads might poison him for real.

The return of Qmoments!