Celebrity Fit Club 5: Episode 1

I can't be arsed to redo a recap for this show but it would have been cool to read the comments and opinions on Harvey's words to Da Brat.
When she issued a mild threat to leave the show during their tête-à-tête (that wasn't so private), Harvey said, "well get the hell outta here, bitch."
At least I think that's what he said.

That sort of language doesn't find favor with me but Da Bitch deserved it. The show has just begun and she's acting the fool already.
Da Brat must be the man of the house in her relationship (see picture) but on Celebrity Fit Club 5, Sgt. Harvey Walden IV is da man. Best believe dat.

She fell into line real quick after that display of power and it makes me wonder if that's not the way to tame some of the shrews in my life. My online life, too...but I digress.

Besides that bit of drama we were treated to the completely assinine behavior of Dustin 'Screech' Diamond. Just when you thought it could not get worse than Vanilla Ice and Danny Bonaduce; up steps this fool to challenge for their crown.
This guy is so irrelevant he is a used to be used-to-be; and on Celebrity Fit Club he spouts crap like, "I battle with truth and logic, therefore I can never be wrong"
(Shut the fuck up! You are a fatass fool who can't pay his mortgage)

Screech is a living, breathing advertisement for birth-control. Just another child-actor gone bad.

And then there is the child actor gone fat, Maureen McCormick (The Brady Bunch) who looks like one of those snakes who swallowed a cow you see on the Discovery Channel.
Just kidding, lol; she looks quite nice, actually. But she's 50yrs and 150 lbs so it's panic time for her.
40 might be a woman's peak but 50 is the age your husband leaves you for another woman; so 'Marcia Brady' is on the show to stave off the competition.

There are two other women (contestants) on the show, Tiffany and Kimberley Locke.
Tiffany is an ex pop-star I've never heard of and is perhaps the only woman to show camel-toe wearing baggy-shorts. (that's more incredible than Screech in a threesome)
She's a good-looking woman so it 'll be interesting to see the difference in appearance when she moves away from her 152 lbs at present.

Kimberley Locke, is perhaps the best looking of the contestants but she's 176 lbs. When you are 176 lbs it's pretty hard to believe you when you say, "I never felt I had a weight problem until I got to Hollywood."
(Iz you crazy? Where the heck were you living?)

Completing the cast are:
Ross 'the Intern' Matthews (The Tonight Show with Jay Leno) - at 214 lbs he has the nerve, the temerity, the gall to say, "when you reach for the food it hurts." (he must have a high tolerance for pain)
And adds to the folly by confessing he's been to the gym 8 times in three years (we can tell)

Cledus T Judd (parodist and country music singer) - I'm black and he's a country singer. That means I've never heard of him and won't remember him after the show ends. He's a contestant with a twist because he's already lost 76 lbs from a high of 290 lbs. He's here to learn how to eat (wtf?) because "I'm afraid to keep food around me."

Dr. Ian Smith looked alarmed at his method of weight loss; but that's only because he believes it'll hurt sales of his weight-loos book, 'The Fat Smash Diet.'
If you can lose 76 lbs and not look anorexic, your diet needs to be publicised.
So what is his miracle diet? He ate "nuthin' but blue berries and milk"
(No wonder he hates food)

Warren G. (ex-rapper) - I am still shocked this guy is 6ft 3 ins. And I am not doubting the measurement because you have to be tall to look decent at 221 lbs. Still, he's one of those guys you'd rather not see on tv. Like Clyde Drexler on 'Dancing with the Stars'

Of course the contestants are being monitored by an expert panel that includes the aforementioned, Harvey Walden IV, who's one of the original members of the original version of the show that began in Britain around 2003, I think.
You didn't know that, did you?

Dr. Ian Smith returns and as a graduate of Harvard, Columbia and Dartmouth; I think he knows what he's on about.

Completing the panel is Stacy Kaiser, a hottie psychotherapist who's also appeared on the NBC hit-show, 'Identity' (well that's what her website says, anyway)

So that's that, I wrote a lot more than I expected so alls well that ends well. Be sure to catch Celebrity Fit Club: Men vs Women on VH1 on Sundays because it can only get better from here.
Judging from the preview we are in for a blast because we heard Harvey deliver one of the all-time great lines on television, "don't you ever in your fucking cartoon life, ever, threaten me"

That's enough to put me on the sofa next week; but if it isn't enough for you, maybe you need to read this TMZ article from a few months back where they report Dustin Diamond threatened to "make a dildo of my cock and fuck" 'American Idol' star Kimberly Locke with "it" during a heated on-set altercation.
(dang, is it that serious?)