Charm School Episode 4 recap

With two of four Caucasian sisters expelled from the first three episodes of 'Charm School', you wondered if Mo'Nique would send home another in Episode 4. Probably not I thought; so Buckwild (Becky) and Pumkin (Brooke) were safe this week.
(Just as well because we all know there aren't enough white people on television.)

Of course the real drama would be the reaction to Serious (Cristal) after she weaseled her way out of responsibility for Like Dat's (Darra) dress. And that's where Charm School Episode 4 began...

The opening scene featured Buckeey (Shay) stating the game is "getting very dirty", a reference to Cristal who is now enemy #1 because she got rid of a girl (Toasteee) whom no one wanted around.
Of course Becky didn't see it that way and she had to let us know that "after last night with Cristal ratting me out to Mo'....I am watching everything that comes out of her mouth"
(join the queue, babes; I stare at her sexy mouth all the time)

Before the hate and envy could get worse Mo'Nique interrupts with an intercom message to say the lesson today will be taught at another school (another?) and governed by the Fifth Commandment of Charm School -Thou Shalt Spit Mad Game With Style.
The other school turned out to be California State University, Fullerton; where they would be schooled on the art of effective communication by the Cal-State debate team.

As the girls entered the debate room we are treated to the tail-end of a speech condemning torture at Guantanamo Bay (these sanctimonious Liberals always piss me off with their holier than thou crap. Is it a coincidence that they had to air this anti-Bush nonsense?)

Anyways, the debate would be chaired by Dr Jon Bruschke (who looks like he's burnt a flag or two) who advises them on how you win a debate.
But his debate jargon didn't impress Saaphyri, "the teach he thought he was a 'master-bater'...I mean a master debater". She presented her own rules of argument:

1. You cut them down low


2. You hit them from the bottom of waist


3. You cut them off whenever they talk


4. You make sure that they don't talk back

(sounds like the way I pick-up women)
Bruschke chose teams (why?). Team A was Hottie (Schatar), Brooke, Goldie (Courtney), Bootz (Larissa), Smiley (Leilene)
And the others were Team B, naturally. The only thing worth mentioning is that Dr Jon messed up Saaphyri's name (he pronounced it as 'Safira') which proves co-incidence has a sense of humor.

So the teams skedaddled to their different rooms and the scene shifted to Team A; tutored by Tony, a white-looking black guy (obviously he couldn't tutor Team B because he and Becky would have confused the hell out of them)
Tony, totally bamboozled Leilene with sentences like, "one of the ways in which we support claims in a debate is by reading quotations from an author that's qualified in the field"
(I'd have been confused too; because he sounds like a claims adjuster, not a masterbater)

Turns out Leilene only got to the 10th or 11th grade (probably repeated 10th grade) which doesn't mean she's dumb, but means she's dumb enough to admit she doesn't understand (lmao. We all know Bootz, Brooke and Courtney were similarly clueless)

Meanwhile Team B (tutored by a woman who should be a lesbian, because women don't scorn)...
::::Wait. Hold up. I shouldn't have said that; but it's funny so I'll keep it there. But just know I didn't mean it.::::
Okay, so Team B's much more intelligent tutor decides they should practice (that's an idea, why didn't Team A's tutor think of that?) and their first topic is 'Larissa has anger management problems' with Cristal for the affirmative and Shay for the negative.

Simple for Cristal, you'd think, and her argument was, "Larissa has an anger management problem, I think everyone in the house has seen her blow-up" (uhmmm, we'll need a bit more than that Cristal).
Shay, countered with, "I think Larissa does not have an anger management problem. She came into the house this way and, it's just the way she was raised. She obviously has issues with her parents that you don't know about"
(Now, I am no masterbater, well actually I am...but; how in the f*ck does that say Larissa does not have an anger management problem?)

They debated a second topic but it's not worth writing about because I was caught up in Cristal's traffic-light red bra. (I've said it before and I'll say it again. That girl is sexier than Oprah writing a cheque)

It was all fun and games until Keith Lewis (remember him? The Simon Cowell of Charm School) announced, "...in one hour, you are going to face off, in a tournament debate, in front of a live audience for your next test"
(that sucked the air out of Saaphyri's breasts)

And he announced a topic too...'All the people on Courtney's team should be expelled from Charm School'
But the first test was actually condemning a Team member to the bench as only four were permitted to debate. This was a crucial decision because the benched team member was open to elimination regardless of their team winning or not.
The winning team's four debaters would be exempt from elimination
(I hope that made sense to any reader out there with a 10th grade education)

Team A benched Leilene because she's not a fighter, Goldie says. But Leilene's actually smarter than these mooks, because she knows the 4 of them will vote her to the bench anyway; so why fight like Custer?

Team B dropped Cristal to the bleachers because Becky hated her, Saaphyri envied her, Darra was seething about her feather weave and Shay would stab herself in the back if she thought it'd make her win.
Shay tried to console Cristal as they walked to the debate-room but Cristal brushed her aside saying, "I don't want to be touched right now"
Buckeey interpreted that as Serious being selfish; I interpreted that as Buckeey being an asshole.

The Debate
As the girls lined up in speaking order, Serious 'worked on' Mikki Taylor and Keith Lewis trying to explain her side of the story (what side? They don't like you...deal with it!)
But it was debate time and first up was Becky Johnston (aka Buckwild, aka Becky Buckwild, aka Rebecca Johnston)
Her opposing debater was Brooke (aka Pumkin, aka the spitter, aka the bi-curious lesbian heterosexual). Pumkin matched the oratorical skills of Ms. Johnston but threw her good work away when she opined, "I've learnt that spitting on New York was not necessarily the best thing to do"
(you've only just learnt that? You cunt!)

Next up were the Bobsey twins (according to Hottie), Larissa and Shay.
Shay mocked Larissa, then warned us that Bootz either gets mad or tongue-twisted (when she's attacked, she meant to say, because Bootz spoke fluently for two reality shows)

Turns out Shay must spend too much time with Bootz, because her (Larissa's) response was just as forewarned, "the judges, err, the judges, we don't listen to the judges...well I think that if we don't listen to the judges, we should listen to the judges and the whole point is that, when..if there's, if the judges need to teach us something, there's no point being in Charm School if you know everything"
(and this girl called Leilene, stupid?)

Saaphyri stepped to the podium -with Hottie from the opposing team- but directed her question to Brooke, "why did you feel that shaking your breast was the appropriate action?"
(the appropriate action for what? And why are you talking to Brooke, slurpee head?)

Hottie made many attempts to answer but was interrupted each time by Saaphyri and that prompted Goldie to finally say something funny, "Saaphyri turned into Johnnie Cochrane. The bitch thought she was in the OJ Trial"
(lmao, after one and half reality shows and all those segments on the V-Spot, finally, Goldie says something funny)

Darra and Goldie delivered the closing arguments but Darra completely missed the point of her team's focus. Goldie wasn't Martin Luther King at the Lincoln Memorial but she was on topic, at least.

It was time for the decision and Dr Bruschke awarded it to Goldie's team.
Buckwild was unimpressed and the Charm School Deans and Prinicpal were similarly unimpressed. Mo'Nique actually queried the decision with Bruschke
(afterall he just has a Ph. D in this shit; wtf does he know?)

Notwithstanding all that, Mo'Nique felt she had to tell off the winning team before congratulating them because she felt they were celebrating a "false victory" (wtf?)
That angered Bootz, "I think She's a hater" and spoke up about it (oh-oh)

Bootz: It's funny when I don't get an attitude it ain't good enough. That's what I feel. When I was up there I didn't cuss nobody up, I didn't do anything like that. And I feel like ain't nothing good enough. That pisses me off (breaking into tears)

Mo'Nique: (interrupting and leaping from behind her table to confront Bootz) it should, it should!
It should piss you off to say, you know what...It should piss you off so much that you should say 'let me check my ass'.

They went on and on until Bootz said, "I think that you just don't like me. And that's your issue with me."

Mo'Nique: well I don't like Larissa. Larissa, as I told you, you ain't that special for me to pull you out and say I don't like you, and the reason I am having this conversation with you is because not too long ago, Mo'Nique was Larissa (your ass was never that skinny. Never!)
And somebody had to dig in my ass , repeatedly; and said "listen little girl, grow up! Because you walk around with a chip on your shoulder. Life will whip your ass if you keep acting like that."
Grow up, know what you're talking about before you start talking. Now, you done pissed me off

With that she walked away and the debate finally ended.

Leilene's meltdown
To wind down after the tense end to the debate the girls headed on over to the 'Off Campus Pub' and the girls went bananas.
Pumkin was hanging on to some guys tongue, Buckwild was hanging on to some guys face and Leilene couldn't let go of Bootz' attitude with Mo'Nique.

They got into it (Larissa and Leilene) and when things got heated Bootz brought up Leilene's children and her stripping. That got to Leilene and she bolted out the pub door as Bootz faked an attempt to hit her and slapped Buckwild's arm instead.
Outside Leilene pulled her usual lament, "I know why I'm dancing. If I have to dance and swallow my pride to put food on the table, I will do that with integrity and pride. I am not ashamed of that"
(at this point I am ready for elimination because I am tired of all this girlie shit)

The Elimination Ceremony
At Elimination Mo'Nique again reiterated to Bootz that she "needs to grow up" and continued her obsession with anal sex, "when life gets a hold of you, there's no Vaseline. It simply bends you over. And it's very painful"

In order, the three called "down tot he carpet" were, Saaphyri, Cristal and Leilene.

Keith and Mikki gave Leilene the usual speech, whilst Keith seemed sympathetic to Cristal.
But as usual, the woman, Mikki, was hating on the beautiful girl, Cristal. (predictable)
And then the clue came thta Cristal was at risk...Mikki Taylor said Saaphyri did so much better than expected (wtf did you expect? You thought she'd kill somebody? She did nothing right!)

Leilene was returned to the upper area and it was down to Saaphyri and Cristal. Mo'Nique said it was "the toughest decision by far" but it was also the worst decision by far because Mo'Nique expelled Cristal in Episode 4
(it's tough to be pretty)

Laterz; thanks for reading.