I Love New York Reunion Recap: Tango dumps New York

Ooooh wee, the 'I love New York' series was good, the Final Episode was better and the Reunion Show was the best of the lot.
Bill Bell must have risen from the grave to write the Reunion Show script, because it had it all and everything else you can imagine from a modern day soap opera.
There were fights, insults, slaps, tears, threats, kissing, throat-grabbing, breakups, makeups and Pumkin returned from the dead.
( Pumkin never died, you idiot!)

The 'Reunion Show' opened with Lala, who's as famous for her Reunion appearances as she is for her relationship with NBA star, Carmelo Anthony.
(That's a $10 million dollar settlement just waiting to happen)
( Not every woman is a gold digger. And if men think that way...they should wear a condom or get a vasectomy. Simple isn't it?)

And she wasted no time, introducing New York as "the one, the only, Ms New York". The appearance of America's hottest reality star brought the audience to it's feet. An audience that included our own, Quanda. ( I don't remember standing up for Janice's long lost muppet sister.)
Pity we didn't see her (Quanda) but then again I couldn't see much behind that woman in the jeans and brown top. (don't they know they ought to put the big girls in the back?)

New York acknowledges the applause by shaking her ass down to the floor before taking her seat. It was the wrong seat, and Lala pointed that out to her and asked her to take her place on her throne; fittingly.
All the while the audience remained in applause-mode, except for one person; Whiteboy.
It's all deliberate with Whiteboy, everything is scripted. He thinks it's not cool to play with children so clapping in an audience was just too much for his half-drunk, seal- looking ass.
But I digress... ( Digress because Whiteboy was one of two of the finest men in that building.)

Lala turns to New York and asks for the secret behind the success of I Love New York and New York surmises it must have been that the viewing public wanted to know if this crazy-eyed bitch could find love or not. ( I am thinking old ugly women such as myself needed some hot, young me to lust for.)
But enough chit-chat with New York, it was time to get the men involved and surprisingly, the first to be called onto the stage was Romance.

Romance stepped on stage looking like something from a comic-book, except he was neither the hero nor the villain, he just was. He wore a coat and sported a new hairstyle that New York would later perfectly describe. For some reason Romance needed vindication from New York, and reminded her that he warned her about 12 Pack, but New York shut him down. Romance turned to Plan B...."I made such an impression that I was in all these" and slammed three magazines to the floor. ( You obviously can't count.)
To which New York replied, "oooh, it's laminated"
(lmfao, the HBIC strikes again)

Romance didn't know when to quit, "I'm ballin, baby" (he omitted the 'g' and e'rything); so New York applied the finish move, "where's your money at? Bitch you sittin' up here looking like Cruella Deville"
(audience erupts in laughter)
Romance responded with a slew of insults and sources tell me he was later thrown off the compound. ( It's on Vspot ...so I shall elaborate. Romance stood toe to toe with New York. She showed her @ss and he thrusted his lower region at her. As if he were tappin' and smackin' that @ss. He had the crowd going and he won that battle. H.B.I.C. wasn't ready for him...LOL.)

Next up was Sister Patterson looking thick, and juicy and damn sexy if I must say so. She also had bangs on her weave (Praaaaaaaaise him, praaaaaaaaaaaise him). Sister P could sit on my lap anytime. ( You so try to be like Whiteboy but you can't. I think it was a wig, btw.)
There was some banter between New York and her mother before Lala expertly turned to Onix for an opinion of Sister Patterson, "to be completely honest she never actually had anything bad to say about me" (it must be my imagination but this pretty fucker actually looks prettier) ( Not your imagination ...Onix is hot. But there was no heat between us.)

But Sister Patterson wasn't letting that slide..."Onix, you had mentioned something about me being a hypocrite?"

Onix: I did not say you are a hypocrite. What I did say...
Sister Patterson: (interrupting) I was putting on; you said the power came a little too quick
Onix: (interrupting) you were putting on for the camera
Sister Patterson: You know what, but you know what....
Onix then mimics Sister Patterson (that ain't right Onix) but Sister P interrupts him again, "that might sound funny now and it might get you a laugh, but you know what; the Lord brought me there in that situation and I'm gonna lift him up anywhere I am"
You know the crowd applauded that, although 90% didn't believe a word she said and the other 10% were trying to get Onix's phone number. ( Yes, the ladies' in the audience were feeling Onix.)

For some reason Lala asked Sister Patterson to dispense advice to all those looking for love...(isn't she divorced and has a daughter who's been dumped twice on television?")
But Sister P did the best she could, "first of all the man has to love your mommy" (mommy better be a euphemism for vagina because I have never met a girl's mommy that's likable)

The dynamic duo were next introduced, 12 Pack and Heat, and they sat down together and had a chat (finishing each other's sentences, even) about what's been up with their lives since the end of I love New York.
Now, Onix has been around the blog a lot, and he told us that 12 Pack and Heat had a routine they did at the parties they attend and it was a little cheesy.
A little?
That shit could make sandwiches, that's how cheesy it was...and 12 Pack is flipping and performing handstands and shit...(all I could think was, 'Thank God they aren't black'). They are named "The Party Boys" by the way, so if any of you see them appearing at your favorite Club that might be the weekend you'd want to stay home and read Tolstoy. ( Leave Heat and 12 Pack alone! Beautiful muscles must be appreciated at all times. Thanks Heat for....) *giggles

Lala invited Sister Patterson to comment and her response was, "Oh wow, that was crazy, I mean, you guys look like you were meant for each other" (bwhahahahaha, Sister P got jokes)
New York also shared her thoughts and said the guys should go for it. She understands that this is a hustle and when fame comes your way you need to exploit it (even if it means handstands in green Speedos?)
But Heat couldn't leave it there..."I had a great time with you, because I came here for love, and unfortunately you pissed off two important people in my freakin' life, Mom and Yaya" (not just his life, his "freakin life")
Cue video-tape, and Yaya and Mommy Heat have recorded a special message for New York.
(don't these people ever learn from the past? Do you honestly think New York is going to let shit slide?) *rolls eyes

Momma Heat: let me tell you something you fucking bitch, you messed around with the wrong family (The wrong family? The one with the son doing the robot in his drawers? That one?)

Yaya: I wish I could be there that I could beat this girl (No comment, I always respect octogenarians)

Momma Heat then goes on to talk about disrespect and calls New York a piece of trash (sources say that audio was edited). Lala asks New York what she has to say to that and we all wait with bated breath. Is New York going to let it slide?

New York: all I have to say right now is that your Grand-momma; she needs a respirator, and your mom; she needs Jenny Craig

I guess not, lmao. (it was funny; but New York would eventually learn that running your mouth on someone's mother has consequences) ( I hope she runs into Diva Maria and gets her @ss kicked for bumpin' her gums about Ya Ya.)

We had yet to hear from the Givens Brothers, also known as Real and Chance, but they were immediately introduced after the commercial break. Would she address Chance's insulting rant in the limousine?
Asked what they'd been up to, both brothers began talking, but all I heard was Real say "we've been in the studio 24/7", and Chance said they've been "riding horses all damn day" (maybe they were riding horses in the studio?)
Lala said tell me about your music, but Chance admonished her, "man, we ain't even here to talk about no damn album"

After that, they broke into rhetoric about girlfriends and who got what; before New York brought some seriousness back to the discussion. That was the end of that and it was time to bring Mr Boston to the stage and he walked directly to New York and said, "how about a Boston kiss"
Turns out the man New York kissed was not Mr Boston, but his twin brother, Ben (okay that was cute, but who gives a fuck?)
After a speech from Ben -who speaks exactly like Mr. Boston- the real Mr. Boston was brought on stage and he told us he's been training and wants a rematch if Chance is interested.
Sitting next to him, Chance asked, "should I knock him out right now?"

Chance, who was in a bitter mood all afternoon said he wasn't looking to be friends with Mr. Boston and he was eventually excused off-stage as attention turned to Mr. Boston's love-life (as if we give a damn)
Turns out we should (give a damn) because Mr. Boston informed us that, "I was able to meet one partial-celebrity, not quite an A-lister, maybe like a C or D-lister and she has totally been feeling the Boston charm. The sex has been unbelievable!"
We should have been thinking, 'who da hell is that?', but thanks to the unintelligent editor of the Reunion Show, we already knew it was Pumkin.
Of course the live audience and New York were unaware and they were shocked as hell.
This must have felt like a 'spit in the face' for New York to see her (Pumkin) on "her stage". ( This is the main reason why New York is fake. She has kissed Pumkin after the spitting incident. What 'real' woman goes and kisses the woman who spit at her? And then fakes like she mad again.)

Lala asked Pumkin if they were "like a real couple" and she said, "Yeahh", but New York told us the truth..."Oh bitch please....shut up, shut up, shut up, because this is fake. You's a dyke, how the hell is he your man?"
Pumkin said she and Mr. Boston met at a VH1 Christmas Party, but New York had enough of it and asked for Pumkin to be removed from "her stage"
(we later heard Sister Patterson and New York confronted Pumkin and she received the slap she had coming to her for a year now) ( And both mother and daughter should've been locked up for assault ...cowards! They would've never tried that crap with Saaphyri, Deelishus, Bootz or Buckey. But they gonna bum rush Pumkin...disgusting.)
That was that, again; but Lala announced that next up was her fiance', Tango; before we took a breath, thanks to a commercial break.

Tango time
On the return Tango was introduced but New York was no longer on the stage. Seated, Lala spoke to the winner of I love New York. Asked if he made friends during his stay at the house, Tango said he definitely made more friends than enemies and called out Mr. Boston (his homie), Onix (what up O?) and Trends.
He failed to mention Rico, which is curious enough but reminds me that at the beginning of the Reunion Show, Lala forewarned us that Rico, Jersey and Pootie were not at the Reunion because, "one has issues, one is in crutches and one is in jail"
(You can guess which is which but I had Pootie for all three, lol) ( I ain't going to put no one's serious business out there ...I digress.)

Cue video of Tango's dramatic moments and finally Whiteboy 'unearns' a bit of publicity. When you think about it, Whiteboy is so inconsequential, so irrelevant, so useless, so not important to this show, that one wonders why was he there?
He's like the guy calling your name in Macy's who tells you y'all went to High School together and of whom you have no recall. (just a waste of my eyesight)
But I digress... ( He was wonderful to look at. And when he turned around and looked at me...) *shivers from the sexual tension

Suddenly and inexplicably, T-Money gets up from his seat in the bleachers to say, "Tango, does this scare you?", and breaks into a Chance-impression.
Chance didn't seem amused and told him to "sit yo ass down" (took the words out of my mouth, he did)
I hate Chance, but who da fuck is T-Money?

Re-focusing his attention to Tango; Chance motions as if ready to confront, but we know his schtick by now; he ain't gon do shit. And Whiteboy, who told him to "chill, homie" (even his slang is outdated) ain't gon do shit, either.
Lala, used the opportunity to speak to Tango about the beef because, "you and Whiteboy both live in Florida, so what's been going on?"

Tango: there's only one real Florida boy in the house and that was me. (I didn't know being a Florida boy was something special? Unless you are the Florida boy married to Lareigna)
Lala: Whiteboy, you kinda quiet, what's your side on all this? I haven't heard from you at all today. (and you had to spoil it by talking to him?)
Whiteboy: ...he can prove to me he's a real Florida boy, he know how (wtf is a Florida boy, besides a boy who lives in Florida?)

That comment made Tango remove his jacket and Whiteboy said, "you can take your jacket off, come on bruh? Come one, come on, come on" (your shit is so weak)

Tango: I am being honest with you, seriously; that's the first time me and homeboy agree. I ain't come here to talk; I did not come here to talk. To be honest with you, I came here to get down.
Whiteboy: we can get down
Tango: ...there's always Florida. I ain't been hidin.' I been here, dawg. I ain't been hidin' (I feel dirty writing this mess) I ain't been going nowhere; I been here!
Whiteboy: I ain't seen you in Florida in my life

Tango then screams (as fake as you can get), "he's frontin'. It's not real!"
Comically, Lala uses that as a segue, "alright and speaking of Real..."
(Lala is really a fine host of these programs. She doesn't try to be the star, she just does her job and let's everyone else have their moment) ( Tango obviously decided to do the 'Bam Bam' tantrum.)

Real is asked if he still has any beef with Tango but Real wants none o' this; saying it was just competition, "I did what I feel like I needed to do, to, to 'ex' him out, and obviously I got 'exed' out.(laughs)

Turning to the others, Lala asks if anyone has problems with Tango they want to address or is it all love. T-Bone rose to say, "when that man walked in the house...this man stepped to me and said, 'T-Bone, I am not going home without that woman, an he stayed true to that. Show that man some love"
I respect T-Bone for that because, like me, he probably wondered what the hell is all this hate about? A guy came to a show to win and he's being dogged by two mouseketeers.

Lala then turned to Chance to ask if he feels the "better man for her (New York), won?"
Chance took the opportunity to be an ass and cracked another turtle joke, which upset Tango and he set off on a tirade of his own.
Tango invited Chance to "come on up here", on the stage that is, but Chance isn't as stupid as he looks. He knows the security can't protect him when he's just a foot away from Tango; so he stays in the audience to talk tripe.

Tango, realizing he has him, steps up his gangsta another notch, "you know what I want? I want you to do what you say you gon' do."
"And if all three of y'all want to come get some o' this, get your ass on up here"

Not one of those cowards made a serious attempt to get on stage. Whiteboy essayed an attempt, but that's only because he knows his homeboys are watching and standing up made it look like he was unafraid; but I know better.
We saw last on the Flavor of Love 2 Reunion Show with Bootz; if you really want to fight, you can get on that stage; and she's like what? 110 lbs?
Whiteboy, you better audition for VH1's next reality series, 'Thug School', because you have a lot to learn.
(commercial break)
( I am going to let Jane handle you.)

New York returns
After the break Lala asks Tango if he's ready to see his lady and the nasty, conniving little piece of shit says "hell yeah".
They meet and share a passionate kiss (knowing what we know, this scene reveals just what a nasty, manipulative fucker he really is)
He compliments her on her breast-implants and says "it's nice".

Asked how she feels to see Tango after all this time, New York says, "...it's a pleasure, you know, I picked him because -short pause- we were the perfect fit. I don't want to ruin my mascara, but, but..."
At this point tears find its way through and the audience shares her romantic moment.
(Video is shown of their best moments together)

Lala says a lot of people thought she should have picked Chance and New York says she "had really strong feelings for Chance" and they had a lot of fun together but, "I felt Tango was a little bit more discreet, he's a little bit more adult, and I felt like I need it to up it; and go with someone who, you know, can help me, be a little bit more adult"
"So that's why I chose Tango"

Lala asks Chance what he feels about it and he says, "I ain't trippin" (but his face said the opposite. My man Chance, is still mourning his loss of the HBIC), and confirms it when he said, "my heart is torn up..."
(You want sympathy? She done fed your ass, tapped that ass, dumped your ass; and now that ass is on your mind. Get the fuck outta here.)

This boy is so eroded, all New York could say was "God Bless you Chance and I love your sweater"
(hahahaha, when a woman says 'God Bless you', you are used, done for, exed out)

It was back to Tango and Lala showed a clip of New York's true reaction to Tango's proposal, "what did I just do?"
"I'm really engaged to him?", she asks the production crew.
"Oh Shit"
Tango returns with his "mother-in-law" and New York hides the ring in her mouth but Sister Patterson asks, "Tiffany, what you got in your mouth?"

On seeing the ring, Sister Patterson asks, "is this the ring?"
She asks if Tango gave her the ring and then remarks, "it's too small" (wtf?)
***end video clip***

Back to the stage, Lala asks, "was that proposal for real?"
Suddenly, Tango looks uncomfortable in his shell, mumbling that this show was out of the norm and his behavior was abnormal. "Look, real talk; (long pause)..."
New York: what?
Tango: I came to get to know Tiffany, anddd....I can't do it. (audience gasps)
Lala: Ok, Tango, explain to me what's going on (Lala is almost like a friend to New York at this point)

Tango: it's bad enough I am sitting here , and, you know, I gotta fight off all these other dudes on a regular basis, taking whatever I am taking for (her); because, because I know I gotta goal at hand. (voice breaks) So somebody tell me why I gotta sit there and take it from the person i supposedly, supposed to be pursuin', and supposedly, supposed to be lovin'?
I am sittin' back, I am watching television (and) she dissin' me harder than the dudes!

Lala: where, where was she dissing you? (Lala seems genuinely upset for New York)
Tango: it's like, first of all, the one thing that really stuck out for me, when I just saw something, I wasn't really feelin; the comments that was made about my mother

***Video of New York's insulting comments are shown***

Tango: this is not to say I don't love Tiffany. I love Tiffany. I love Tiffany!
Lala: (interrupting) not anymore
Tango: I, I, I ain't feelin' New York.
Lala: so Tango, I don't want to put any words in your mouth, but after seeing this show, after seeing what she said, you are completely through with New York?

Tango: (chokes) Yeah. I am done with New York. I proposed to Tiffany (audience applauds)...but I got New York
(this fucker is trying to be all cute and clever and shit but the reality is his ass wanted to call it off, simple as.)
Tango then goes on to say it's over because New York disrespected him and his mother. New York goes off on him (Tango); and Chance, the bitch that he is, says "I woulda never done this to you"
Tango then turns his attention to Chance, "I swear to God, pimp..." (leave God outta your shit) and dotted among his many curse words, he rants about New York disrespecting his family as he walks off stage into the background.
But he says, cutely, "if you see Tiffany, you tell her get at me. You tell her get at me" (the boy is clever with words; I'll give him that)

New York: (sobbing) I don't care (long pause)...I don't care.
Chance: don't cry
New York: what you (she's addressing us and not Chance) need to know is I put my heart into this. You know?
Chance: don't cry.
New York: I shoulda fucking chose you, like for real.

Lala and New York discuss what transpired and New York says she's not gonna let the guys that dumped her, hurt her again. (Uhmm, I don't think they want you anymore)
The Reunion Show ends with New York and Lala discussing how to get a man whilst the producers ponder, I love New York 2. ( I felt sad for her ...mwuahahahahaha and then I saw the black bra again. Nope I have no sympathy for her ...she got paid.)

Thanks for reading and as Tango said, "it's a wrap"