This Is NOT Imitation Anything
Heat and I had been playing interview tag for quite some time. A loooonnng time as a matter of fact. Truth be told I had given up on interviewing the handsome actor we know as Heat. So finally my phone rings. I look at the caller ID and don't recognize the number. A gut instinct tells me to answer this call. Hell, I've paid all of my bills, the restraining order prevents an ex from calling and well I need some adult interaction. So I pick up trying to sound cheerful. An incredibly sexy male voice asks if this is Quanda. Bingo! It's a cast member and it's Heat. Geezus, it is not the best time. I am starving. There is a pot of collards mixed with turnip greens and smoked ham shanks, oven-baked macaroni & cheese and smoked beef brisket calling my name. Heat ...food ...Heat ...food ...Heat ...food, I can ignore my grumbling stomach. This is blog business and hell, this m@thaf@#ka sounds hell of good. Heat it is! Out of all the other cast members I have spoken with on the phone ...he is the only one who has given Whiteboy a run for his money. Whiteboy still has the sexiest phone game. But I must admit if they were in a horse race ...photo finish.
Hello is this Quanda?
Yes it is.
This is Heat.
Oh hello Heat.
I want to apologize. I misunderstood the time I was supposed to call. I thought you wanted 3 to 5 your time, not my time.
It's okay. I understand. It happens to the best of us. I am just excited you called. Let me find my notebook.
Okay ...no problem.
*Searches for the notebook and watches creatures running around the house with sticks. Creatures are also known as my children.
Heat I appreciate your patience. I can't put my hands on my notebook right now. I am just going to wing this on some paper.
No problem.
So let's get started. You recently had a birthday. How did you celebrate?
On my birthday I was relaxing. I stayed at home. It was a non alcoholic day. I kicked it with Ya Ya and my mother. *We both laugh.
Where were you born and raised?
I was born and raised in Queens, Ny.
How was it growing up in Queens, N.Y.?
I went to Catholic school. I was often the center of attention, clowning around. I wasn't shy by any means. For the first 7 to 8 years I grew up in poverty. My family started a car business. So I grew up in the back seat of a car driving to auctions. We sold used cars and struggled for awhile. Eventually word got around that we sold quality cars and through God my dad and mom built a successful business. We eventually sold new cars in addition to the used ones.
Tell me about your heritage ...your ethnicity.
My father was from Madrid, Spain. He is Spanish. My mother is half Spanish and half Puerto Rican. I embrace both of those cultures. It's part of who I am. My father didn't know jack squat about English. We spoke only Spanish at home. So I was able to perfect my Spanish which has helped me tremendously in life. At school of course I spoke English. ( He has perfected English too! Did I tell you all how sexy he sounds?)
What an interesting mix. I have to get some ' I Love New York' questions in.
No problem ...go for it.
Why ' I Love New York'?
Actually I turned down the show twice. But you know I thought about it, ' Hey I am single, it's a great opportunity and I might meet a great woman. And New York has a backbone. Women with backbones are very appealing.'
Really! You turned them down twice ...wow.
I am an actor. I've been a member of the screen actor's guild for over a year now. You definitely have to consider your career goals. I wasn't sure if the show was right for me. When I found out it was New York I wasn't interested. They called me again and I turned it down a second time. ( People the more I talked with the 'ILNY' hunks of burning desire ...the more I lust ...I mean learn ...yeah, yeah the more I learn.)
My notes were a twisted mess of nonsense. Well the sweetened the pot statement was about another situation, unrelated to ' I Love New York'. My apologies to Heat. Are you still going to call me 'Bella'?
Interesting ...very interesting ...
Quanda you know they have me listed as a food server on the VH-1 website, right?
Actually Heat I've never checked that out. They do?
Yeah, don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being a food server. I was a food server when I was 18 and in college. Since then, I have worked in the time share and real estate business. I have appeared in ' Entourage' and ' Gilmore Girls'. ( I am thinking he is an actor. However, just so I don't step on anyone's toes ...in L.A. a lot of actors are also food servers. Maybe someone at VH-1 got confused ...just saying.)
I'll have to check that out. ( I did and he is listed as a Food Server.) What was going in Church? Were you sleeping? *We both laugh.
I was fighting to stay up in church. I had been in the mansion for 7 or 8 days. Her mother is a watermelon head and really irritating. She is not my cup of tea. I was brought up Catholic. Our service is totally different. It's day and night. After she stop yelling, I enjoyed the service. I was really paranoid. You know how New York wears those big weaves? ( Oh boy, do I!!!)
Yes, I know.
Well I thought she was wired with mics. You know on her ears, I thought the hair was hiding them. And I thought someone was feeding her questions to ask me. So I was constantly thinking, ' Oh crap I better answer the right way.'
*Trying miserably to contain my laughter. Wooooooow.
Well so after church we go back to the mansion. They've set up a buffet for us. Onix and I are sitting down in the middle of the hallway. So Onix whispers to me, " You are fucked up Heat!" I reply, "Shut the fuck up!" I am telling you I was paranoid and thought the place was wired. ( Baby, that isn't paranoia ...that's reality tv...LOL.)
We didn't get to see you a lot. What else did we miss?
A little later on I go to the fridge to get some water. And New York shows up and asks me what am I looking for. I tell her water and she passes me a Heineken. I am like, " No, no, no I want water." She is like ...sure you do, you know this is what you want. Man, I was looking for water. Luckily I find it in a cabinet. So she precedes to ask me what I was doing in church. Occasionally I would grab her arm trying to stay awake, move to the music. So I tell her and she pulls me and slobber kisses me. ( Yuck! Is anyone else tired of the sharing of saliva or am I alone?)
I was just about to ask you if you had kissed her. You know not peck kiss but slobber, make out type kiss.
Yeah we did.
*We both laugh. Anything else interesting that we missed?
One day I was cooking up some ribs, kickin' it with Chance. New York eats a lot. She ate a whole rack of ribs. This was during episode 3. Tango had given her one of his love notes. She reads it, laughs and spreads barbecue sauce all over Tango's love note. ( I thought I'd never type this but Tango may be too good for her. Yes ...I am checking my temperature for a fever.)
What are your thoughts on your elimination?
Basically I was surprised. I didn't know Onix had talked about her mother. He did tell me earlier that day that he was tired of ' this sh#t. You get rid of Onix for disrespecting Mama Dukes. And you get rid of me for respecting my family. You are a woman I am trying to get to know. I am suppose to choose you over Ya Ya or my mother? I don't think so....hypocrisy. My family was upset. I will say I held back on the show. I think I came across to the viewers as maybe a nice @sshole. Often people who meet me, tell me I am cooler and funnier in person. Did you noticed they didn't show me in the conference room? I had a professional presentation. However, you all got to see others who were acting out. I could've given more of myself. I wasn't prepared to give everything. I don't want every Tom, Dick and Harry knowing certain things about me. You know let me say this. You know Whiteboy? He is real. The way he was on the show is the same freakin' way he is in real life. He has no hidden agenda. He is who is.
You know Whiteboy is my favorite, don't you?
No I didn't.
You didn't? Oh some of your cast mates refer to me as the 'Whiteboy Fanatic'?
Oh that's you. I did hear about the fanatic. *He laughs. I don't need to talk trash about anyone. Could I have gotten more camera time? Yes, but I wasn't camera hungry. I wasn't going to over talk others or say ' Hey look at me ...look at me.' I 'm not trying to be a ' Toys R' Us kid. You'll notice that you don't see the Heat and Whiteboy casting tapes. I did over 20 interviews ( think Manfessional) and you don't see them. It's all about outrageous behavior. I did get along with some of the guys. I believe we will remain friends beyond the show.
Okay ...name them.
12 Pack, Real, Whiteboy, Onix and Chance.
You definiately are a good looking man. What cast mates were the ' Eye Candy' of the mansion?
Onix, 12 Pack, Wood and Rico, you know that scene were I was telling 12 Pack that I thought he had an awesome body? Well we had been out there talking for hours about different things. And the guy does have a great body and so does Onix.
I understand. I wasn't thinking you were gay. I compliment and see beautiful women often. I am not gay. Considering 2 'Eye Candies' left at the same elimination, why do you think you were eliminated?
I don't think she wants a man who is going to tell her how it is. You remember when I let her know it was a two-way street?
Yes I do. I loved that.
You are checking me out and I am checking you out. Not trying to be insulting, but she isn't the best looking broad. You know what I mean?
Yes I do.
It is what it is. I want a woman who has more to bring to the table. Someone who can compliment my life and not complicate it.
I am loving that statement. On the subject of your life, what are some of your current and future career goals?
Currently I am doing ' The Party Boyz Tour' with 12 pack. We basically host parties and get the crowd going up the freakin' walls. ( He gave me details and it seems like loads of fun! I just don't want anyone biting his ideas.) I am also going to continue working in tv and film. I have some upcoming projects, look out for me.
I will. Back the this ' Party Boyz Tour' ... How come you two aren't showing the West Coast any love? I keep on reading about East Coast this and that. Can we get some love?
*He laughs. Heat is coming back to Cali, very shortly. Don't worry I am going to show Cali lots of love.
Love ....what do you look in a woman physically and mentally? By the way, I am on the square side. I had to ask someone what 'culo' meant. ( Praying WB doesn't read this.)
It means big @ss. I want a woman with meat on her bones. I like curves. I like big butts. You can ask my mother! ( Where the hell were these men when I was 24?! Nevermind they were 10 years on and riding bikes. Omg....I am so pedophilish.)
Interview Intermission
I know this is soooooooooo unprofessional.Could someone PLEASE SPLASH ME WITH HOLY WATER?!Please do not report me to ' Dateline'!Back to Heat's answer:Mentally I want a woman who is honest and open minded.Okay, I hear people use that term often. My problem is: I don't know truly what they mean. Personally I am a prude. I have my boundaries. But then I've met individuals who make me feel like the freak of the year. So I am confused ....help me out.I want a companion who is open to learn new things. A woman who is willing to travel and learn from that experience. Someone who is open to try different foods, clothing, perfumes and experiences in life. She also needs to be sexually open-minded. Sometimes you meet someone and they tell you what they don't do or like. They don't kiss on the first date. Or they had a bad experience with someone else. Well if you are already putting limits on us or basing your experience with someone on what we can do ...Why should I continue to date you or waste my time? I want someone who is open to us learning and growing together with no limits. I also want a woman who is straight up with me. Tell me what you want and how you like it. ( I am such an eTramp ...my vspot twitched. Anyhow...) For example, I wake up one morning and cook you breakfast. Let's say I make you scrambled eggs. You appreciate the gesture and you think I am great and all. You eat the eggs being grateful. You don't like your eggs scrambled. You liked them poached. Baby, tell me you like them poached and I'll make them how you like them. ( MaiTye, Dana, Jane ...Geezus someone I need eSex Therapy ...I almost had an eGasm typing up this interview.) And yes I am close to my family. However, I can maintain a relationship. Ya Ya and my mother are not always around. I am single. I am not looking. However, I am open to meeting a woman who's up to the challenge. Relationships can be challenging. My next question is a little interview habit I've started with the ' I Love New York' cast. On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate me?I'd do you in a heartbeat. I'd give you a solid 8. The face, lips ...very nice. You're sitting down, it looks like you have a big hips. If I saw a picture showing off your rear ...the number has potential to go up. ( Thinking of who I can get to take an @ss shot.)Heat I have a confession. I have called you 'imitation crab' on several occassions.Why imitation crab?Well, I thought you looked good. The best way I can explained it is like you buy a crab salad. It looks good. It tastes good but something is not quite right. And you realize it's not real crab it's the imitation crab. I thought you were calculating and had an agenda. Now that I've interviewed you, I understand why I had that opinion.Okay ...I understand.
Heat descibe yourself to me.I am a cross between Chevy Chase and Vince Vaughn.Wow that's a mix!Yes it is. I can be really serious and focused. I can have a bit of an edge sometimes. Also I can have fun and make silly faces. I don't take myself too seriously.In all fairness to Heat, he gave me more time than any other cast member. I am so appreciative of his patience with my children causing havoc during our interview. There was an interesting comment he made but I couldn't figure out where it went. " Because of the way I look people see me differently and don't know I am not a white man." My notes were a massive twisted mess of complete nonsense. And that comment came from my memory. He also revealed that Ya Ya is an 80 year old woman in a wheelchair who smokes pot. So you think the interview is over? Well you are right. It is but a mini one begins. Heat gave me a special treat. He allowed me to ask his mother several questions. Yes, I got a mini interview from Heat's mother.Heat what should I call your mother?Diva.Diva?Yes, people in the neighborhood call her Diva Maria.Okay.Here she is.Hello, Diva Maria!Hi Quanda, how are you?I am great. Thank you so very much for talking to me. I am going to ask you a few questions. Why are you called Diva Maria? *We both laugh.
I have long blonde hair and long nails. I try to take care of myself. I am self assured. I am a survivor. I have the balls to get things done and do the right thing.I heard that. You are definitely a diva. Tell me one of your favorite memories of Heat when he was a boy.He was the only child. So he had to keep himself entertained. He used to imitate Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage. He would get into character and go back and forth between the two characters. It was the funniest thing to watch him. He was a very focused child. ( Little does she know my brother and I had our own WWF matches. That fat bastard ...you know he picked me up and body slammed me. Hmmph it was his last time. He didn't like being chased by an enraged sister with a butcher knife.)What type of women does Heat like?He's goes for the big butts and @ss. *We both laugh. He likes the exotic ones. The ones he shouldn't be looking at. He needs a woman with a good heart. Someone who isn't deep down fake.What were your thoughts on the elimination?I was offended. I couldn't believe it. You would expect more from her mother. There's a saying about how you can tell how a man will treat his woman by the way he treats his mother. So wouldn't you want a man for your daughter who treats his Ya Ya and mother with respect and love?Yes, I agree. Diva Maria, I like you.I like you too. I am a straight shooter. I felt Mr. Boston should've went home instead. I guess New York prefers booger kisses over butter kisses.( Diva Maria forgot the ear wax and toe jam! I like Mr. Boston. I was just you know ...typing.)Stop it! You are killing me. I truly appreciate you allowing me to ask you a few questions. You take care Diva Maria.Your welcome and thank you.There was more to our conversation but it was personal and not for all to read. She is one funny lady. Diva Maria and Ya Ya ....now that would make for some funny @ss reality tv.You have just shared a Qmoment!
Rain The Screamer is having a melt down in a van telling New York to, " Shut the 
