Dorfam: WTF was the deal with Pootie? Was he that crazy all the time?
Mr. Boston: I was so glad when Pootie left. We didn't know he was that crazy, but he was just an ass to everyone even before that. He loved doing the dishes (yes, we had to do the dishes), and if I or another guy tried to help him, he'd be like "get the f*ck out of my kitchen." (wtf)
Having debuted with record Nielsen numbers of 4.4 million viewers that made 'I Love New York' the highest rated premiere in VH1 history; there was an expected an understandable decrease in its second week.
The numbers for 'I Love New York Episode 2' was a somewhat disappointing 3.2 million viewers. Still enough to make it the highest rated show on VH1; but 25% fewer than it's debut numbers.
In simple terms 1 out of every 4 viewers who saw the premiere declined to watch the next episode.
There are reasons of course; many would have opted for the Golden Globes on NBC for example. But still, that's a huge drop.
There must have been some concern among the 'I Love New York' producers but I could have given them the answer for the fall-off...YouTube!
Those videos on 'YouTube' encourage people to watch the show; not the opposite. When they stifle faithful fans like Ponlork, they are only hurting themselves.
The third Episode's numbers, however, are much more positive reading.
My source, whom I really must thank; only minutes ago provided me with the numbers for the episode aired last evening.
I Love New York episode 3 scored 3,538,000 viewers; a 9% increase from the previous week.
Hopefully those numbers continue to rise because the show has been excellent; but they have got to turn a blind eye to the V-Spot and Podcast captures on YouTube. That's the only way the show can realize its full potential.
Keep refreshing your browsers, we just may have an interview from one of the favorites in an hour or two.
Laterz.
This being my first summary for quite a while I was understandably nervous, so I did what I always do when I am nervous...I spent some time in the bathroom getting in touch with myself, lmao.
Nawww, just kidding...I took a drink of rum and flat coke, and positioned myself on my settee; notebook on lap, pen in hand and remote-control at the ready.
For some reason I got transfixed by Keith Olbermann on MSNBC and when I finally remembered I had work to do, I was a few minutes late for Episode 3.
I was just in time though to hear 12 Pack say "Bonez' abs are actually more defined than mine but you can also see his colon, so that doesn't count for much". Funny dude that 12 Pack is; he is definitely one of the more likeable guys on the show.
And won't you know it; from one of the more likeable guys to one of the more annoying guys on the show; White Boy.
The scene switches to White Boy crouched on a chair having a chat with his father with that distinguishable drawl of his. Daddy White Boy informs him that yesterday, he learnt Homer Reynolds died in a "tragic car accident".
Well to me it sounded like Homer Reynolds.
Obviously pained, White Boy asked his Dad about the funeral arrangements only to be further stung with the news that his friend had already been buried. I felt for the dude at this point, which surprised me.
We then hear White Boy summarize his feelings and say "it touched me because this dude always stood up for me".
At this point I am challenging my initial opinion of White Boy and asking myself if I was wrong about the guy.
Next we see Heat and Real talking in the corridor about the tragedy and soon most of them pour into an adjacent room, only to see Whiteboy in tears, and his head covered. Obviously it was his way to be alone in his agony.
Chance, opportunistically or sincerely, asked him if he was ready to "cop out"; and we are able to see that T-Weed, Pootie, Real and Bonez are also in the room to give comfort.
Later on the roles would be reversed and it would be Pootie who would be surrounded by the contestants.
Bonez asks White Boy to 'touch him' and says as the one who is "spiritually led" he was best placed to say a prayer. It wasn't a touching moment, but it was nice to see men come together to console another man, and it wasn't lost on me that these were black men comforting a 'white boy' in his time of need. The moment ends with a chorus of "just hold on White Boy"
That's good television. And I am thinking it can only get better from here.
The moment of melancholy is interrupted by the shocking appearance of Chamo in a conservative and smartly tailored suit that covered a lilac shirt with properly matched purple tie. Even the contestants seem shocked by his less than flamboyant appearance and one of them says he "looks like a Mafia boy today". But soon enough, they get down to the business of reading the New York gram (is that what Groovy calls it? I forgot)
Heat reads the message which notes that "New York needs a man who has big earning potential" and they have just 2 hours to prepare a presentation that includes visual aids to show their potential worth.
Soon I see New York for the first time in this episode and she looks regal and radiant and ravishing.
Something must have happened between Episode 2 and 3 because New York just looked different. And different as in better.
The guys settle into the task but Mr Boston is skeptical (isn't he always?), saying these guys "don't even know how to work a computer" while Chance boasts "I am a rapper/musician. I don't make resumes".
The scene cuts to White Boy, alone and seemingly depressed, sipping on bottled-water and staring out the second-floor window. He is joined by New York who's only just heard the news and says she wants "to give White Boy her bosom".
Not over my dead body I am thinking as suddenly I don't feel all that sympathetic to White Boy.
The scene seems staged and all sort of thoughts are running through my mind.
Like, if the friend is such a good friend then why has the father only learnt of the accident the day before? And after the funeral has taken place?
But I put that aside because I realize I am being uncaring. It's just a show, right?
We return to the 'Resume room' to see 12 Pack, satisfyingly eyeing a graphic chart before he leaves the room momentarily. The guys are using Mac Books which is enough to prompt an email from Groovy advising me that her computer is a star. I scoff and whisper "your computer is a Mac".
And then we see the first of 968 signs that Pootie just aint right in his fucking head.
Pootie, in the Confessional or whatever, announces he has a few tricks up his sleeve. And he chooses just about the only time we've ever seen him in a long-sleeve shirt to say that. So we return to the resume room and learn that Pootie's trick under his sleeve is to steal 12 Pack's visual aid (the graph chart).
12 Pack confronts him; because you can't just steal a man's graph. But Pootie has a reason why he should keep the graph.
The reason? 12 Pack should put his name on his shit...(I could hear the cuckoo clock ringing).
Pootie further justifies his case with a quote that would seem funny if it were not uttered by a lunatic. He says "you got the 12 pack; I got the muthafuckin' graph. Everyboy has to have sumthin"
This boy is crazy. And not crazy as in climbing Mt Everest crazy. Crazy as in shock therapy crazy.
Still the show must go on, so 12 Pack leaves him with the graph he can't read and White Boy remembers he stayed on the show so why not participate. The guys are taken to New York Inc and shepherded into a room that is obviously modeled on The Apprentice.
New York tells the guys that New York needs a man who can bring home the bacon and introduces them to her assistant. A chair swivels and Omarosa is revealed.
The Omarosa.
Perfect time for advertisements. And my cellular goes pootie-crazy; a sure sign that the show is going well.
The show returns and I end my conversation quickly and in time to hear Onix say he "was actually kinda scared" to see Omarosa because she "has the reputation of being a bitch" Ya think?
Onix' voice tails off as he says "bitch" as if he is embarrassed to say the word. I would too (be embarrassed) and I am thinking this guy is a decent bloke.
Presentation time
Tango goes first and says he is into the real estate market, which Omarosa shuts down as a bottoming-out industry. She must not watch Fox News and Steve Forbes.
Tango is asked how much he has in the bank and says "about 300000"
(spits out rum on notepad)
About what? 300000?
I am thankful a razor-blade isn't nearby.
New York's eyes lit up at the amount as well, which suggests to me she isn't making that much money from this show. Omarosa however, is not that easily impressed. She asks him if he has that sort of money in the bank, "why cubic zirconia in your ear? Why not diamonds?"
Damn, that girl is still a (whispering) bitchhhh.
Real comes next and says he wants to breed horses and shit.
Bonez' graph falls.
Chance comes in dressed as Capt. Jack Sparrow.
And Rico's career path is based on his being a model.
12 Pack comes next bearing two graphs; the second of which is a child-like drawing of him and New York which causes diarrhea in Momma New York's head.
Sister Patterson notices 12 Pack's body is colored yellow as if he's jaundiced and wonders why he has New York with DDD breasts and her face painted white.
12 Pack just foretold New York's surgery. 'Is it that he saw the future?' Or have we seen the first hint as to the winner of I Love New York (strokes chin)
Onix is next and says he has post-graduate education and works for a Fortune 500 company. He begins his presentation but New York confesses she couldn't hear a word he said because of his hotness or whatever. And Omarosa, takes advantage of being newly divorced to undress him with those evil eyes of hers.
Not satisfied she asks Onix to remove his jacket and he complies as if he has heard that a thousand times before.
What-ever!
Mr. Boston comes next and trumpets his six-figure earning future as a CPA.
Heat came with some nonsense about feeding Yaya and himself before New York.
T-Weed comes next and says his potential worth is 100 million.
100 million what? Boy please. T-Weed says "if I want something I can go get it"
'You need to get some tissue for the shit you're talking that's what you need to get.'
And then the moment arrives....Pootie time!
Pootie strolls into the board-room dressed in a red wife-beater or something and opens a notepad to reveal nothing. He says he's "broke". He has $3000 in the bank (I wonder who he robbed before the show began) and he spent "$210 to get here", but his "hopes and dreams gonna get him to a 1/4 million"
Wtf?
At one time Pootie raises his voice to say "please don't interrupt me", but is soon sent on his way with a sympathetic comment from Omarosa who thanked him for his honesty.
Pootie leaves in a huff and a puff and had not walked ten feet before he burst into tears.
Wtf? Two men crying on I Love New York? That ain't right.
As Pootie purposefully strides away he says "I need a moment to myself' and Dr. White Boy instructs everyone to "calm down, back up off his space".
Tango and Bonez ignore the ignorant advice and rush to Pootie's aid who is crying as if he is about to deliver a twin. Pootie is repeating "it's my pride, my pride is everything".
Now I haven't dealt with many crazy people, but it was obvious to all (except Dr McWhite Boy) that Pootie was having a breakdown.
Just when you thought we could not move farther into the reality part of reality television; Pootie collapsed on the stairs and 911 was called to take him to the hospital.
Pt2
So it's clear to all now that Pootie has issues that require professional care; and perhaps a lobotomy. So it was somewhat surprising to see the New York contestants gathered in what appeared to be a waiting room.
I expected an announcement that Pootie was dropped from the cast.
It was even more surprising when Pootie just walked into the room where they were gathered and rapped the chorus from Mike Jones hit,"Back Then". He also backed up the feelings of White Boy about needing to be left alone.
White Boy looked well chuffed with himself but I have this theory that when a lunatic thinks the way you do, you need to think like someone else.
So, after a very eventful evening they packed themselves into the vehicle and head homeward to the mansion. But the drama doesn't end there.
White Boy chooses this moment to censure Tango. He goes so far as to say Tango is responsible for what transpired at New York inc.
Tango is taken aback, and says to White Boy, "you're kidding, right?"
"You ain't serious?"
But White Boy is serious, and with a rush of bravado yells at Tango to "step out of the car, I'll beat your ass"; and exits the vehicle.
Tango makes a move to join him but his halted by the arm of Chance. And this gives White Boy the opportunity to mock Tango with the inference that if he really wanted to fight; a 270lb man would not be stopped by the single arm of a contestant.
White Boy is right...but why does he feel his (Tango) not wanting to fight means Tango wouldn't beat the counterfeit hood out of him?
He must know that little itsy bitsy guys like him only win fights in PlayStation. Had Tango got out of that car; that would have been one funeral White Boy was certain not to miss; because he would have been the guest of honor.
What's even more crazy is no one knows why he wanted to fight in the first place.
Nonetheless, order is restored and the guys return home safely, if not soundly.
Tango confesses that he cannot stand White Boy and White Boy can kiss his ass. What took you so long T?
The next scene takes us to the results of the challenge.
New York announces that the person with the highest income potential has an evening out with her, whilst the lowest earner has a date with Sister Patterson.
Pootie won that honor; and New York announces that T-Weed's 100 million earning potential bested every other contestant.
Before the foursome leave, Sister Patterson invites T-Weed to sign the documents which authorizes her to search his credit background, and he accepts and signs.
I am thinking there goes my prediction. T-Weed just f"cked himself with a signature.
New York and T-Weed depart for dinner, Sister Patterson takes Pootie to Mel's Diner and at home; 12 Pack teaches Mr. Boston the subtleties of lap-dancing.
New York's date is boring, she says, because T-Weed keeps using business jargon and "humongous drawn-out words" like 'value' (raises eyebrow)
T-Weed says he has a 'Branding Company' and a place in the Catskills; but it's his conversation skills that needs work.
Across at Mel's diner, Pootie is eating as if he's on the D-Train. His hand is trembling something awful and his eyes look glazed. If only White Boy were there, he would tell Sister Patterson to 'give that boy some space' and cure his mental disease (rolls eyes).
But Sister Patterson doesn't know about this miracle cure so she stays there and worsens his condition as the poor boy says he's afraid for his life.
T-Weed, under the misconception that his date goes well, steals a couple kisses from New York who is soon interrupted by her mother with the news that Pootie is mad. And has to leave the house as soon as possible.
Convinced immediately, New York recruits Tango, or maybe he volunteered (I don't remember) to talk to Pootie and persuade him to leave the mansion immediately.
Tango finds the deed unexpectedly easy as Pootie covered by a spread that looks like Snufflelupagus decides he will seek help.
The guys help him pack and virtually chase him out of the mansion.
Pootie's departure was like a veil lifted and in the morning it was all light-hearted again. New York appeared in a sensational bikini and matching sarong and was accosted by Mr. Boston who asked her if she would receive a lap-dance.
Surprisingly, she agreed and Mr. Boston did his thing as New York moaned in enjoyment.
Looking on Chance described Mr Boston as a "cold motherfuc*er".
For some reason Mr. Boston and New York ended up on a chair inside the mansion and he asked for a kiss. The kiss didn't look like much but Mr. Boston was afflicted by jungle fever because he suddenly kissed her right-shoulder, her left forearm and her stomach.
New York said the kiss was surprisingly good, but I know what I saw. My niece's kitten kisses better than that.
Somewhere after that 12 Pack thought it wise to swallow a bee and Bonez said he doesn't have sex (a sure sign he would be eliminated)
But it was the perfect segue for a New York moment where she drops one of her memorable lines.
Choosing Tango as her masseuse, New York got on all-fours which forced Tango to say "Oh My God" and me to say "Lord Have mercy"
Tango later said "I smell jealousy" which made me pat somewhere with a towel and when New York said "you can go a lil harder on me if you want"; it was all over.
Girl wasn't done there. New York, obviously enjoying her massage told Tango "you're making me feel like a big girl" and "making me feel to do big girl things"
Lawd hammercy.
Without missing a beat, New York slid into the pool and straddled Chance for more intense kissing. The confidence of this girl is amazing.
But now, it was time for elimination and with Pootie chased out of Dodge two guys were going home.
Elimination
In order, New York chose:
1) Tango 2) Real 3) Rico 4) Onix 5) 12 Pack 6) Chance 7) White Boy 8) Mr. Boston
And that meant there was one chain for either of T-Weed, Bonez or Heat. Only the credit rating results could stop T-Weed from receiving his chain and New York had the results in hand.
Having read the results she announced that T-Weed's "credit rating was a low 523. He had no active credit card and couldn;t get a credit card if he wanted one."
Adding to his embarrassment she said he "had 11 accounts in collection and his last known job was in 2002 when he worked for Munchie's Pizza"
Add it all up and T-Weed was 'knocked the fu*k out'.
Heat was called up to receive his chain and Bonez was sent off with a lame-ass speech about New York not wanting to corrupt him.
There endeth Episode 3 and if I am lucky it's the last one I'll have to do.
Head on over to the V-Spot where a clip has Pootie says he fears for his life and points the finger at production staff. I think it's at the point where VH1 is exploiting the dude but I am too fatigued to get into all that.
Thanks for reading.
Laterz.
I will be back at midnight or thereabouts with an excruciatingly detailed summary of Episode 3 of I Love New York...but for now we are going to tax our considerable experience as New York stans to predict the three she will tell to "get the f**k up outta my house"
Groovy Noodles says: Heat, Rico and Tango
Steups' Wife says: T Weed, Pootie and Bonez
Posh Gemz says: T Weed, Pootie and Bonez
Texas Shawty says: T Weed, Pootie and Heat
Royal T says: T Weed, Mr. Boston and 12Pack
Steups says: Pootie, Bonez and Heat
NV is dangerous says: Rico, 12Pack and Mr. Boston
Electra says: Pootie, T Weed and White Boy
Anonymous @ 5:43 says: Pootie, 12 Pack and Bonez
We don't practice Bushocracy around these parts; we allow dissenting views and here is one from a chap who goes by the pseudonym Pastor Sin Alot. Here is what he has to say about New York, New York's mother and the men in New York's mansion.
Visit his site when you can because it makes interesting reading.
Just so you know, I will be writing the recap for Episode 3 of I Love New York.
Don't expect the detail you'd normally receive from Groovy, don't expect it to be online within minutes of the episode's end and especially, don't expect me to fawn over the contestants.
The preview has been uploaded on the V-Spot for quite a few days now so I have already crystallized my approach to the summary.
From what I've seen Pootie seems to have escaped from a mental asylum and Whiteboy, somehow, made me feel not particularly sorry for someone who lost a friend in a car accident.
Chance seems to have mellowed; Mr. Boston has become tolerable; 12 Pack is rather likeable and Bonez' body looks like a jigsaw puzzle.
But, we'll sort that out when I present the summary at about midnight.
Until then, can someone say why Pumkin is hanging with Token from I love New York?
