When Mo'Nique, using the intercom thingy, announced "you have one hour to get ready, so please, dress to impress" it was pretty obvious that fashion had a large part to play, this week.
(Of course it helped that I saw all the adverts and the preview on the V-Spot, too.)
Courtney (Goldie) felt she needed to know whom they had to impress whilst Schatar (Hottie) was torn..."do I do business couture or evening couture?" (as if)
Cristal (Serious) took the announcement as an invitation to talk about herself;again.
My girl is paranoid about the perception of her and opted for "something kinda simple", ostensibly to not draw attention to herself. But soon she was pop-locking and dropping it; so there goes that theory.
(We love Serious but not as much as Serious loves Serious)
Speaking of love, Darra's (Like Dat's) breasts made me thirsty. And touchy-feely too (I wanted to feel her up so bad)
Anyways, the ladies gathered at the rendezvous point where Mo'Nique introduced them to her stylist, Timothy Snell. But not before remarking that some of the ladies aren't too familiar with dressing to impress.
The gathering was all about a style lesson and Timothy and Mikki Taylor were the lecturers. They noted Becky's (Buckwild) style as a "defined look" and Larissa (Bootz) agreed, "yes she has a define look, for herself, no one is gonna fucking wear that shit"
(with friends like Bootz your enemies can take a vacation)
Of course no discussion on fashion is complete without Schatar, and Mikki reminded us that every outfit of hers is the same length (she has ugly, skinny-ass legs methinks)
When Hottie stepped forward to address her sense of fashion she must have used a one-cup bra on her 44DD's because, as Saaphyri put it, "her boobs...one was up here by her chin and the other one was down by her ass"
(you'd have to be "very blessed" to get a boob job from her)
Saaphyri also mentioned Schatar's breasts, "needs to be fixed by a doctor" (lmwbhao)
Saaphyri, too, had an opportunity to explain her style and said "my style is inspired by brokeness" (this girl is too funny) but Schatar thought "she (Saaphyri) reminded me of a refugee"
The whole point of the exercise however, was about couture; and specifically, a fashion show to take place tomorrow in the house. And Mikki Taylor laid it out clearly..."you'll be competing in two teams of five, to design and create your own couture look."
The teams were to be sub-divided into two members responsible for designing and making the dress; one responsible for makeup, one to do the hair and the other will model the design.
The winning team's members will be exempted from elimination.
With 11 ladies and two teams of 5 an obvious problem exists.
They could have gone the route of chopping one contestant in half but they chose the not so bloody option of adding the odd girl out to the judging panel.
That person will also be granted immunity at elimination time.
That set off a volley of curse words, chit-chat and confrontation.
Bootz screamed "fucked up attitude" a thousand times and Serious recused herself from being a model for either team.
While they were arguing Saaphyri appointed herself Captain and began selecting the best possible girl for the four positions. She chose Leilene (Smiley) to model, Hottie, she is a shyster "who'll do anything to win", Larissa (a cosmetologist); and Shay (a model).
(Saaphyri was on some Ocean's Eleven shit)
Eventually they settled on Courtney as a "unanimous" choice to be the judge (what the hell do they see in Goldie?), overlooking Hottie's concern that she and Brooke (Pumkin) are the best of friends.
(That's enough of a reason to dislike Goldie)
I should mention for no reason at all, that Serious looked good-to-eat in her turtle-neck sweater. She is the business.
Preparing for the Show
The teams were now selected; with Cristal , Becky, Jennifer (Toasteee), Brooke and Darra working together by default. Jennifer and Becky were responsible for design and it was Buckwild who suggested Darra be the team's model because "Mo'Nique is going to be much easier on Darra".
After some misgivings they all agreed to have Like Dat model their couture.
(I thought it was a good idea, too.)
Darra was sold on the idea because according to her, "I do have a nice figure regardless of how big I am."
(She's not lying. Her ass looked great in the thong)
Team Saaphyri was busy at work as well, choosing the best fabric for their Korean/Chinese theme.
Team Cristal was caught up in accentuating the best parts of Darra; her legs, cleavage, and her back, which Cristal says is, "one of the sexiest parts of a woman's body"
(I can't disagree)
Cristal, was leading her team by example but Jennifer was not doing a gotdamn thing and missed a surprise visit from Judge Courtney because she needed a smoke. (where there's smoke there's fired)
The surprise visit did inform us that Cristal was not only the makeup-artist and contributing to the design; but she sews as well. (add all that to the pop-lock-and-drop dance and Cristal Steverson is the perfect woman)
All that talent bothered Hottie to the extent that she decided on a spying mission. But she departed a happy gal and sent Saaphyri and Bootz on a spy-mission of their own to confirm the 'disaster-waiting-to-happen', that was Team Cristal's design.
What they saw was Darra (the least expected choice) dressed in curtains and drapes.
(It worked for the Von Trapp kids in 'Sound of Music'; so why not Darra?)
Team Saaphyri, naturally, were very confident, but that didn't excuse the fat-jokes by Buckeey and Bootz. Overhearing the insults, Cristal remarked, "No matter what they say to us, I am sticking behind our design. I put a lot into it and we're expecting to get a lot out of it"
(remember those words!)
The Fashion Show
The next morning was the day of the Fashion Show and Team Saaphyri began work immediately. Keith stopped by to offer his opinions and described Smiley's makeup as "a bit like a corpse".
On Team Cristal, Serious was buzzing whilst Toastee caught some zzzz's. Keith paid them a visit as well and warned he needed to see contributions from each of the members.
It was back to the grind after his departure and Cristal realized Darra's girdle did not fit, so she mummified her; running tape around her stomach and those succulent breasts of hers.
(you could say she looked like an MILF: Mummy I'd Like (to)...)
And then the announcement came:
'Attention Ladies, please report to the Grand Hall. It's Showtime!'
Hottie introduced Team Saaphyri's model, Leilene, and she doth strode the runway. Every step seemed to drain the optimism of Team Cristal.
Rebecca "Buckwild" Johnston introduced Darra for her team and their theme was 'Walking on Air - A Couture Affair'.
Out came Darra looking not too bad, save for the feathers on her eyebrows and the hair on her dress. Mo'Nique's reaction was , "Oh my God! What is that?"
(Do I need to write any further?)
Needless to say the judges were not impressed, although it wasn't that bad I thought. Boots was even less impressed, "Darra looked like a f*cking chocolate-ass Big Bird. She can't walk on air; look at her...she's big as a house"
(that's just evil)
It was time to face the judges and it wasn't looking good for Cristal or her team. The judges questioned Team Saaphyri and they give adequate answers.
However Team's Cristal designer, Jennifer Toastee Toof wasn't as articulate.
Keith took over the questioning to ask Becky what was her contribution and she admitted the feather and hair-extensions on the dress were her ideas (I'm thinking Becky just put herself in the three to be eliminated)
Keith described their design as "roadkill" (that is so wrong)
Mo'Nique went off on the outfit and Toastee described the rolls on Like Dat's back as looking like a bunch of sausages (yeah Toasteee; we know you are an expert on sausages. Big, fat sausages)
But it didn't end there as Keith said, "my first impression when I saw you (Darra) were picked as the model is, this is a total manipulation; to try and get her (Mo'Nique) to be sympathetic with your look."
(Oh snap!)
"I did too", said Mo'Nique.
Mo'Nique then turned her attention to Cristal and said,"what is irritating me; Cristal, I just knew, like, my God, Cristal is going to turn this out."
"This was your time for America to see you be the model!"
(there goes Cristal in the three to be eliminated)
Mikki Taylor chimed in to let Darra know, "you wore a bad dress exceptionally well" and Keith said Cristal's decision to not model "put her entire team in jeopardy."
Insults ended, Mo'Nique turned to Courtney and said the choice was all hers. That choice was a no-brainer and she chose Leilene and Team Saaphyri.
Elimination Ceremony
After the decision, Cristal remained upset and decided on a private visit to Mo'Nique (oh shit, didn't Thela try that?)
Cristal told Mo'Nique "I wanted to let you know that I was not responsible for the dress. Buckwild; Beck and Jennifer made the dress. It was not my responsibility"
(uhmmm, if it were anyone else I'd be angry; but it's Serious, so anything she does is worth it)
Maybe Serious had a guilty conscience; but she told Brooke about her visit to the Principal Office and the news spread like wildfire. Why anyone would trust Brooke (Pumkin) is a mystery to me.
In the confessional Buckwild says she'd like to see Cristal go home (oh no you didn't.)
The announcement signaled the beginning of the ceremony:
'It's time for the third elimination in the Grand Hall'
In order, the three called were Becky, Jennifer and Cristal. Keith chastised Cristal for not modeling and Mikki Taylor said her motive was very selfish.
On Jennifer, Mikki said she saw very little progress this week and was amazed by her not taking any responsibility for the design. "I think you've made a weak application towards every challenge you've been involved in."
Keith was simple and to the point, "to me Jennifer; you're the most pathetic."
Keith told Becky it breaks his heart to see her as part of the bottom three (why?) and her explanation was, "I was fooled by Cristal and her false confidence."
For some reason that made no sense to me, Mo'Nique returned Becky to the group and deemed her safe. Why not leave her there and just not pick her?
Mo'Nique then turned to the ladies and asked them both why the other should go home (when did this become 'The Apprentice'?)
In the end, Jennifer 'Toasteee' Toof was expelled in Episode 3
Crying in her final statement to the Charm School viewers, Toasteee, said, "I am in so much shock and I don't understand what just happened. I didn't think I did anything wrong in this entire competition."
(Blah, blah, blah, blahbye)
(Of course it helped that I saw all the adverts and the preview on the V-Spot, too.)
Courtney (Goldie) felt she needed to know whom they had to impress whilst Schatar (Hottie) was torn..."do I do business couture or evening couture?" (as if)
Cristal (Serious) took the announcement as an invitation to talk about herself;again.
My girl is paranoid about the perception of her and opted for "something kinda simple", ostensibly to not draw attention to herself. But soon she was pop-locking and dropping it; so there goes that theory.
(We love Serious but not as much as Serious loves Serious)
Speaking of love, Darra's (Like Dat's) breasts made me thirsty. And touchy-feely too (I wanted to feel her up so bad)
Anyways, the ladies gathered at the rendezvous point where Mo'Nique introduced them to her stylist, Timothy Snell. But not before remarking that some of the ladies aren't too familiar with dressing to impress.
The gathering was all about a style lesson and Timothy and Mikki Taylor were the lecturers. They noted Becky's (Buckwild) style as a "defined look" and Larissa (Bootz) agreed, "yes she has a define look, for herself, no one is gonna fucking wear that shit"
(with friends like Bootz your enemies can take a vacation)
Of course no discussion on fashion is complete without Schatar, and Mikki reminded us that every outfit of hers is the same length (she has ugly, skinny-ass legs methinks)When Hottie stepped forward to address her sense of fashion she must have used a one-cup bra on her 44DD's because, as Saaphyri put it, "her boobs...one was up here by her chin and the other one was down by her ass"
(you'd have to be "very blessed" to get a boob job from her)
Saaphyri also mentioned Schatar's breasts, "needs to be fixed by a doctor" (lmwbhao)
Saaphyri, too, had an opportunity to explain her style and said "my style is inspired by brokeness" (this girl is too funny) but Schatar thought "she (Saaphyri) reminded me of a refugee"
The whole point of the exercise however, was about couture; and specifically, a fashion show to take place tomorrow in the house. And Mikki Taylor laid it out clearly..."you'll be competing in two teams of five, to design and create your own couture look."
The teams were to be sub-divided into two members responsible for designing and making the dress; one responsible for makeup, one to do the hair and the other will model the design.
The winning team's members will be exempted from elimination.
With 11 ladies and two teams of 5 an obvious problem exists.
They could have gone the route of chopping one contestant in half but they chose the not so bloody option of adding the odd girl out to the judging panel.
That person will also be granted immunity at elimination time.
That set off a volley of curse words, chit-chat and confrontation.Bootz screamed "fucked up attitude" a thousand times and Serious recused herself from being a model for either team.
While they were arguing Saaphyri appointed herself Captain and began selecting the best possible girl for the four positions. She chose Leilene (Smiley) to model, Hottie, she is a shyster "who'll do anything to win", Larissa (a cosmetologist); and Shay (a model).
(Saaphyri was on some Ocean's Eleven shit)
Eventually they settled on Courtney as a "unanimous" choice to be the judge (what the hell do they see in Goldie?), overlooking Hottie's concern that she and Brooke (Pumkin) are the best of friends.
(That's enough of a reason to dislike Goldie)
I should mention for no reason at all, that Serious looked good-to-eat in her turtle-neck sweater. She is the business.
Preparing for the Show
The teams were now selected; with Cristal , Becky, Jennifer (Toasteee), Brooke and Darra working together by default. Jennifer and Becky were responsible for design and it was Buckwild who suggested Darra be the team's model because "Mo'Nique is going to be much easier on Darra".After some misgivings they all agreed to have Like Dat model their couture.
(I thought it was a good idea, too.)
Darra was sold on the idea because according to her, "I do have a nice figure regardless of how big I am."
(She's not lying. Her ass looked great in the thong)
Team Saaphyri was busy at work as well, choosing the best fabric for their Korean/Chinese theme.
Team Cristal was caught up in accentuating the best parts of Darra; her legs, cleavage, and her back, which Cristal says is, "one of the sexiest parts of a woman's body"
(I can't disagree)
Cristal, was leading her team by example but Jennifer was not doing a gotdamn thing and missed a surprise visit from Judge Courtney because she needed a smoke. (where there's smoke there's fired)
The surprise visit did inform us that Cristal was not only the makeup-artist and contributing to the design; but she sews as well. (add all that to the pop-lock-and-drop dance and Cristal Steverson is the perfect woman)
All that talent bothered Hottie to the extent that she decided on a spying mission. But she departed a happy gal and sent Saaphyri and Bootz on a spy-mission of their own to confirm the 'disaster-waiting-to-happen', that was Team Cristal's design.
What they saw was Darra (the least expected choice) dressed in curtains and drapes.
(It worked for the Von Trapp kids in 'Sound of Music'; so why not Darra?)
Team Saaphyri, naturally, were very confident, but that didn't excuse the fat-jokes by Buckeey and Bootz. Overhearing the insults, Cristal remarked, "No matter what they say to us, I am sticking behind our design. I put a lot into it and we're expecting to get a lot out of it"
(remember those words!)
The Fashion Show
The next morning was the day of the Fashion Show and Team Saaphyri began work immediately. Keith stopped by to offer his opinions and described Smiley's makeup as "a bit like a corpse".
On Team Cristal, Serious was buzzing whilst Toastee caught some zzzz's. Keith paid them a visit as well and warned he needed to see contributions from each of the members.
It was back to the grind after his departure and Cristal realized Darra's girdle did not fit, so she mummified her; running tape around her stomach and those succulent breasts of hers.
(you could say she looked like an MILF: Mummy I'd Like (to)...)
And then the announcement came:
'Attention Ladies, please report to the Grand Hall. It's Showtime!'
Hottie introduced Team Saaphyri's model, Leilene, and she doth strode the runway. Every step seemed to drain the optimism of Team Cristal.Rebecca "Buckwild" Johnston introduced Darra for her team and their theme was 'Walking on Air - A Couture Affair'.
Out came Darra looking not too bad, save for the feathers on her eyebrows and the hair on her dress. Mo'Nique's reaction was , "Oh my God! What is that?"
(Do I need to write any further?)
Needless to say the judges were not impressed, although it wasn't that bad I thought. Boots was even less impressed, "Darra looked like a f*cking chocolate-ass Big Bird. She can't walk on air; look at her...she's big as a house"
(that's just evil)
It was time to face the judges and it wasn't looking good for Cristal or her team. The judges questioned Team Saaphyri and they give adequate answers.
However Team's Cristal designer, Jennifer Toastee Toof wasn't as articulate.
Keith took over the questioning to ask Becky what was her contribution and she admitted the feather and hair-extensions on the dress were her ideas (I'm thinking Becky just put herself in the three to be eliminated)
Keith described their design as "roadkill" (that is so wrong)
Mo'Nique went off on the outfit and Toastee described the rolls on Like Dat's back as looking like a bunch of sausages (yeah Toasteee; we know you are an expert on sausages. Big, fat sausages)But it didn't end there as Keith said, "my first impression when I saw you (Darra) were picked as the model is, this is a total manipulation; to try and get her (Mo'Nique) to be sympathetic with your look."
(Oh snap!)
"I did too", said Mo'Nique.
Mo'Nique then turned her attention to Cristal and said,"what is irritating me; Cristal, I just knew, like, my God, Cristal is going to turn this out."
"This was your time for America to see you be the model!"
(there goes Cristal in the three to be eliminated)
Mikki Taylor chimed in to let Darra know, "you wore a bad dress exceptionally well" and Keith said Cristal's decision to not model "put her entire team in jeopardy."
Insults ended, Mo'Nique turned to Courtney and said the choice was all hers. That choice was a no-brainer and she chose Leilene and Team Saaphyri.
Elimination Ceremony
After the decision, Cristal remained upset and decided on a private visit to Mo'Nique (oh shit, didn't Thela try that?)
Cristal told Mo'Nique "I wanted to let you know that I was not responsible for the dress. Buckwild; Beck and Jennifer made the dress. It was not my responsibility"
(uhmmm, if it were anyone else I'd be angry; but it's Serious, so anything she does is worth it)
Maybe Serious had a guilty conscience; but she told Brooke about her visit to the Principal Office and the news spread like wildfire. Why anyone would trust Brooke (Pumkin) is a mystery to me.
In the confessional Buckwild says she'd like to see Cristal go home (oh no you didn't.)
The announcement signaled the beginning of the ceremony:
'It's time for the third elimination in the Grand Hall'
In order, the three called were Becky, Jennifer and Cristal. Keith chastised Cristal for not modeling and Mikki Taylor said her motive was very selfish.On Jennifer, Mikki said she saw very little progress this week and was amazed by her not taking any responsibility for the design. "I think you've made a weak application towards every challenge you've been involved in."
Keith was simple and to the point, "to me Jennifer; you're the most pathetic."
Keith told Becky it breaks his heart to see her as part of the bottom three (why?) and her explanation was, "I was fooled by Cristal and her false confidence."
For some reason that made no sense to me, Mo'Nique returned Becky to the group and deemed her safe. Why not leave her there and just not pick her?
Mo'Nique then turned to the ladies and asked them both why the other should go home (when did this become 'The Apprentice'?)
In the end, Jennifer 'Toasteee' Toof was expelled in Episode 3
Crying in her final statement to the Charm School viewers, Toasteee, said, "I am in so much shock and I don't understand what just happened. I didn't think I did anything wrong in this entire competition."
(Blah, blah, blah, blahbye)
