I Love New York Episode 3 recap.

This being my first summary for quite a while I was understandably nervous, so I did what I always do when I am nervous...I spent some time in the bathroom getting in touch with myself, lmao.
Nawww, just kidding...I took a drink of rum and flat coke, and positioned myself on my settee; notebook on lap, pen in hand and remote-control at the ready.

For some reason I got transfixed by Keith Olbermann on MSNBC and when I finally remembered I had work to do, I was a few minutes late for Episode 3.
I was just in time though to hear 12 Pack say "Bonez' abs are actually more defined than mine but you can also see his colon, so that doesn't count for much". Funny dude that 12 Pack is; he is definitely one of the more likeable guys on the show.

And won't you know it; from one of the more likeable guys to one of the more annoying guys on the show; White Boy.

The scene switches to White Boy crouched on a chair having a chat with his father with that distinguishable drawl of his. Daddy White Boy informs him that yesterday, he learnt Homer Reynolds died in a "tragic car accident".
Well to me it sounded like Homer Reynolds.

Obviously pained, White Boy asked his Dad about the funeral arrangements only to be further stung with the news that his friend had already been buried. I felt for the dude at this point, which surprised me.
We then hear White Boy summarize his feelings and say "it touched me because this dude always stood up for me".
At this point I am challenging my initial opinion of White Boy and asking myself if I was wrong about the guy.

Next we see Heat and Real talking in the corridor about the tragedy and soon most of them pour into an adjacent room, only to see Whiteboy in tears, and his head covered. Obviously it was his way to be alone in his agony.
Chance, opportunistically or sincerely, asked him if he was ready to "cop out"; and we are able to see that T-Weed, Pootie, Real and Bonez are also in the room to give comfort.
Later on the roles would be reversed and it would be Pootie who would be surrounded by the contestants.

Bonez asks White Boy to 'touch him' and says as the one who is "spiritually led" he was best placed to say a prayer. It wasn't a touching moment, but it was nice to see men come together to console another man, and it wasn't lost on me that these were black men comforting a 'white boy' in his time of need. The moment ends with a chorus of "just hold on White Boy"
That's good television. And I am thinking it can only get better from here.

The moment of melancholy is interrupted by the shocking appearance of Chamo in a conservative and smartly tailored suit that covered a lilac shirt with properly matched purple tie. Even the contestants seem shocked by his less than flamboyant appearance and one of them says he "looks like a Mafia boy today". But soon enough, they get down to the business of reading the New York gram (is that what Groovy calls it? I forgot)

Heat reads the message which notes that "New York needs a man who has big earning potential" and they have just 2 hours to prepare a presentation that includes visual aids to show their potential worth.
Soon I see New York for the first time in this episode and she looks regal and radiant and ravishing.
Something must have happened between Episode 2 and 3 because New York just looked different. And different as in better.

The guys settle into the task but Mr Boston is skeptical (isn't he always?), saying these guys "don't even know how to work a computer" while Chance boasts "I am a rapper/musician. I don't make resumes".

The scene cuts to White Boy, alone and seemingly depressed, sipping on bottled-water and staring out the second-floor window. He is joined by New York who's only just heard the news and says she wants "to give White Boy her bosom".
Not over my dead body I am thinking as suddenly I don't feel all that sympathetic to White Boy.
The scene seems staged and all sort of thoughts are running through my mind.
Like, if the friend is such a good friend then why has the father only learnt of the accident the day before? And after the funeral has taken place?
But I put that aside because I realize I am being uncaring. It's just a show, right?

We return to the 'Resume room' to see 12 Pack, satisfyingly eyeing a graphic chart before he leaves the room momentarily. The guys are using Mac Books which is enough to prompt an email from Groovy advising me that her computer is a star. I scoff and whisper "your computer is a Mac".
And then we see the first of 968 signs that Pootie just aint right in his fucking head.

Pootie, in the Confessional or whatever, announces he has a few tricks up his sleeve. And he chooses just about the only time we've ever seen him in a long-sleeve shirt to say that. So we return to the resume room and learn that Pootie's trick under his sleeve is to steal 12 Pack's visual aid (the graph chart).

12 Pack confronts him; because you can't just steal a man's graph. But Pootie has a reason why he should keep the graph.
The reason? 12 Pack should put his name on his shit...(I could hear the cuckoo clock ringing).
Pootie further justifies his case with a quote that would seem funny if it were not uttered by a lunatic. He says "you got the 12 pack; I got the muthafuckin' graph. Everyboy has to have sumthin"
This boy is crazy. And not crazy as in climbing Mt Everest crazy. Crazy as in shock therapy crazy.

Still the show must go on, so 12 Pack leaves him with the graph he can't read and White Boy remembers he stayed on the show so why not participate. The guys are taken to New York Inc and shepherded into a room that is obviously modeled on The Apprentice.

New York tells the guys that New York needs a man who can bring home the bacon and introduces them to her assistant. A chair swivels and Omarosa is revealed.
The Omarosa.

Perfect time for advertisements. And my cellular goes pootie-crazy; a sure sign that the show is going well.

The show returns and I end my conversation quickly and in time to hear Onix say he "was actually kinda scared" to see Omarosa because she "has the reputation of being a bitch" Ya think?
Onix' voice tails off as he says "bitch" as if he is embarrassed to say the word. I would too (be embarrassed) and I am thinking this guy is a decent bloke.

Presentation time
Tango goes first and says he is into the real estate market, which Omarosa shuts down as a bottoming-out industry. She must not watch Fox News and Steve Forbes.
Tango is asked how much he has in the bank and says "about 300000"
(spits out rum on notepad)
About what? 300000?
I am thankful a razor-blade isn't nearby.

New York's eyes lit up at the amount as well, which suggests to me she isn't making that much money from this show. Omarosa however, is not that easily impressed. She asks him if he has that sort of money in the bank, "why cubic zirconia in your ear? Why not diamonds?"
Damn, that girl is still a (whispering) bitchhhh.

Real comes next and says he wants to breed horses and shit.
Bonez' graph falls.
Chance comes in dressed as Capt. Jack Sparrow.
And Rico's career path is based on his being a model.

12 Pack comes next bearing two graphs; the second of which is a child-like drawing of him and New York which causes diarrhea in Momma New York's head.
Sister Patterson notices 12 Pack's body is colored yellow as if he's jaundiced and wonders why he has New York with DDD breasts and her face painted white.

12 Pack just foretold New York's surgery. 'Is it that he saw the future?' Or have we seen the first hint as to the winner of I Love New York (strokes chin)

Onix is next and says he has post-graduate education and works for a Fortune 500 company. He begins his presentation but New York confesses she couldn't hear a word he said because of his hotness or whatever. And Omarosa, takes advantage of being newly divorced to undress him with those evil eyes of hers.
Not satisfied she asks Onix to remove his jacket and he complies as if he has heard that a thousand times before.
What-ever!

Mr. Boston comes next and trumpets his six-figure earning future as a CPA.
Heat came with some nonsense about feeding Yaya and himself before New York.
T-Weed comes next and says his potential worth is 100 million.
100 million what? Boy please. T-Weed says "if I want something I can go get it"

'You need to get some tissue for the shit you're talking that's what you need to get.'
And then the moment arrives....Pootie time!

Pootie strolls into the board-room dressed in a red wife-beater or something and opens a notepad to reveal nothing. He says he's "broke". He has $3000 in the bank (I wonder who he robbed before the show began) and he spent "$210 to get here", but his "hopes and dreams gonna get him to a 1/4 million"
Wtf?

At one time Pootie raises his voice to say "please don't interrupt me", but is soon sent on his way with a sympathetic comment from Omarosa who thanked him for his honesty.
Pootie leaves in a huff and a puff and had not walked ten feet before he burst into tears.
Wtf? Two men crying on I Love New York? That ain't right.

As Pootie purposefully strides away he says "I need a moment to myself' and Dr. White Boy instructs everyone to "calm down, back up off his space".
Tango and Bonez ignore the ignorant advice and rush to Pootie's aid who is crying as if he is about to deliver a twin. Pootie is repeating "it's my pride, my pride is everything".
Now I haven't dealt with many crazy people, but it was obvious to all (except Dr McWhite Boy) that Pootie was having a breakdown.

Just when you thought we could not move farther into the reality part of reality television; Pootie collapsed on the stairs and 911 was called to take him to the hospital.

Pt2